Thursday, August 12, 2010

Dear Jennifer Aniston...you suck...Sincerely, My Muffin Top

Harsh, I know, but trust me readers when I say that it's deserved. Granted, when I got up today, I had many things I wanted to blog about...but that changed as I enjoyed my only peaceful quiet time reading in the bathroom this morning. TMI...maybe, but one has the right to enjoy her weekly People magazine in the commode of solitude, just as her husband does to escape into fantasy football stats.
Anywho, as I happily looked through the pages admiring how toned Zac Efron's become in the last year, I happened upon a small blurb about Miss Aniston and how fabulous her abs looked at 40. The photo in question can be seen in an add for a particularly crappy brand of water I've tried...but that's beside the point.
I guess most of us would've rolled our eyes and turned the page, but this small social commentary really burned my biscuits...."but Paige, what could have angered you so?", you ask,...Well, I'll tell you...
Every morning, I just happen to stroll past the mirror( you do it to..admit it), and survey my current body situation:  Saggy boobs..check. Stretch marks...check. Hair?...fabulously frizzy as usual. On this particular morning, I'd stopped and looked at my post-baby belly....well, at least that what it used to be. I'm sad to inform my readers that it is no longer a cute belly worthy of a sassy string bikini, but in its place is what now looks like a sad, mopey muffin( Please note that it has the ability to look like a happy muffin as well, it just depends on how fast I'm jumping up and down). The only other description I can come up with is that it also resembles a grumpy bulldog...but I haven't really decided which yet.
Anyhow, I had my sad little muffin belly in mind when I read the the article in question, and couldn't help thinking "No wonder your abs look so great, a tiny person hasn't kung-fooed their way out of them sister." I'm just a tad tired of hearing how great famous people look when they have unlimited budgets and personal trainers....especially those who've never been pregnant...ahhhh!
Ok, I feel better. And by the way, this was not meant to be offensive to anyone who's never been pregnant, loves Jennifer Aniston, etc...I just wanted to complain about my grumpy bulldog of a belly and continue with the day. I promise I'll write about something more important tomorrow....