Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Mothering 101...Pass/Fail Subject?

Ok, I'll get straight to it....Over the last couple days mothering exploits, I've realized that no mom is perfect for one reason...Ready?.....Because sometimes you have to attempt things that are just really, freakin' difficult..
Lately, I feel as though I've been dropped into a parenting edition of Survivor, which, at times, pushes me into wanting to cry or laugh histerically at any given moment. We all know how much time I spend in my pajamas, so this makes me appear both homeless and a little unstable....or at least it would if I was being observed by anyone else than God on a daily basis. I digress.
I'll offer up a recent particular situation for your education and amusement.
As of late, my extremely adorable babies have begun to look like tiny wolverines.This is due largely to the fact that their small nails have grown to the point where well-meaning relatives have started to take note, and my son has scratched himself in the face twice....drawing blood.
I have an excellent reason for not grooming my babies. Namely, they have super tiny nails and I'm terrified of cutting them....or at least, I was.
Yesterday, in my attempt to conquer my fear, and let the world know that my children shouldn't be headed straight toward protective services, I decided to do something about it. It went something like this.
1.) Position fat baby on lap...check
2.) Hold fat baby's hand securely.....check
3.) Steady trembling hands and.....cut!
Ok, what they don't tell you in the mothering guidebook, is that, at this point in the process, the previously calm, cherubic baby on your lap turns into a wild squealing little piglet. This little piglet is convinced that A.) you're there to cuts its little hand off...and B.) that it needs to get away right now.
Epic. Mother. Fail.
As I write this, my babies are currently playing in their Bumbo seats, the nails on their left hands distinctly longer than those of their right. I'm confident that we can all face the other half of the process later in the week when I've been forgiven, and everything's a bit calmer. So I ask you readers, is there an easier way to go about this ridiculous process of nail clipping?