Friday, August 27, 2010

Toys and Tears..The Tale of Johnny Jump Up

I have to say, I may have gotten a little over confident in my abilities to transport the babies out in public. Wait....let me re-phrase that. It's not the getting them out into public that's the problem, it's what happens there that totally bites sometimes.

As we have a couple social engagements coming up this weekend, I decided that I'd take it upon myself to try and pick up something new to wear, that didn't have Maternity stamped inside the tag. After much consideration, I determined that Target would be our first stop with a couple places worked in after that. Unbeknownst to me, the babies had already decided that Target would be our only stop for the day.

We made it into Target successfully, and the first fifteen minutes were fine. We strolled. We looked at useless things we didn't need. I resisted the urge to by myself 30 new picture frames. I thought to myself, "I've totally got this. Oh sweet freedom of shopping.". Lets see...I believe it was about fifteen minutes after that, that the twins decided to start a game of "Who Screams the Loudest Momma?" Oh. Good. And just so you know readers, trying to reason with two four month year-olds in the middle of the store looks absolutely insane.
As "luck" would have it, we happened to be standing right next to the baby isle when the babies went into meltdown mode......and there I spotted it, The Johnny Jump Up. For those of you who don't know, this contraption allows you to hang your baby from a doorway, allowing them to jump and swing around, all while hoping they don't smack their little noggins into the door frame...genius. At any rate, because my babies were screaming, and the baby on the box looked so happy, my natural instinct was to buy it so that my babies too, could be as happy as the stranger box baby. Quickly, I threw it under my arm and booked it for the checkout.

Arriving home, I set the babies on my bed with the necessary barricade of pillows around them. (They can't really roll yet, but darn it if I'm gonna take the chance of leaving the room and possibly hearing the sound of two coconuts hitting the floor.) I ran back downstairs to set up the new toy. The babies started crying, of course, but thinking, " How long can this take?", I ripped open the box with visions of jolly bouncing babies in my head. What a good momma. Ok sooo,...........whoever this Mr. John Jump-Up is, he needs to be dragged into the street and beaten promptly with a sock stuffed with a large bar of soap.

What I thought would be a quick set-up of a relatively primitive looking  looking toy, turned out to be something only a structural engineer could pull off on his first try. I'm no whiz with those stupid illustrated directions, but there's only so many times you can try to stick flap A into slot F before you want to find the president of the toy company and stick his flap A into his flap F.

By the time I got everything zipped, snapped, and welded together, the twins were hysterical. And I truly mean the hysterical  where their fat turns red and their little fists punch the air in pure furry. At any rate, the moment of truth was here. I picked up my son- completely inconsolable by the way- , and set him in the Jump Up.......and there was.....................................more screaming.
Basically, they cried.I almost cried. And the Johnny Jump Up sat all by itself to think about what it had done. Ahh...parenting.