Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Babies and the Bathwater

Good Morning Readers,

     Hopefully everyone’s day so far is sailing along smoothly. I, for one, am relaxing and thanking the good Lord that I don’t have to repeat yesterday’s bathing ritual. It was totally necessary, but per usual, it was a tad draining (no pun intended). It’s not that I don’t delight in the bathing of my babies like every other mom, but you see, sometimes doing everything twice can be a little trying..
      As I mentioned yesterday, my babies did, in fact, smell like old cheese. Now, some of you may be confused by this terminology, so allow me to explain. At times, especially if a baby is bottle-fed, as mine are, they begin to develop a foul odor. This particular brand of smelliness stems from the constant flow of formula and/or milk that makes its way down the neck of the child, and then takes up residence in the fat folds under the chin. It then sits there (unless you religiously wipe your child down after each feeding), until a pungent sensation confronts you whenever you snuggle up to your baby.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Not Expecting the Unexpected....

Good Morning Readers,

I hope everyone's weekend was tolerable, if not stupendous or extremely relaxing. I write today not because I had earth-shattering adventures either, but my last couple of days were filled with wonderful and not so wonderful randomness. Behold, my series of random events...

Friday began with poop water...well, not really poop water, but nasty sewer water bubbling up through my basement drain and all over my laundry room floor. Turns out, my home's main drain hadn't been "snaked" (whatever the heck that means) since 1969, and there were actual roots growing in it. With a quick visit from Ken the plumber, and 100.00 later, we're now flushing around this place like it's our birth right.

Up next, a loud knock on my door at 9 am on Saturday morning. No...not the police, thank you very much, but my Mom and sister. I'd previously promised to make boutineers for homecoming...and as usual, completely forgot. This resulted in early morning coffee, an enjoyable chat, and me attempting to tape roses to floral wire, whilst trying not to hot glue gun my hair to the table..

Saturday continued with a surprise visit from one of my sisters who attends college too far away. She helped me greatly this summer after the twins were born. When she arrived, my daughter thanked her for her dedication by screaming and slapping her in the face....bad baby.

My sister's visit led to another from my Mom and another sister (I have many). This resulted in a fabulously fun evening of catching up, and four women speaking at the speed of light to each other. My husband listened quietly. I have a sneaky suspicion he secretly wanted to throw himself through the nearest plate glass window, but he did an excellent job of hiding it.

Sunday was filled with early mass and then  80 hours of football. I tried desperately to pay attention, but ended up drooling face down in the couch for most of it. At the end of the day, there was quiet as I tucked both my children and my husband (emotionally spent from the football marathon) into bed. This left me alone with a bottle of wine, some clam chowder, and a couple rounds of Halo on X Box. A little strange, I know, but I picked up the skill when I was a pregnant, beached whale  who needed to entertain herself all winter. That's right, all the 8 year-old boys of the world fear me...

So, that was pretty much the weekend in a nutshell. Now it's time to attempt to bathe my babies, who currently smell like old cheese. Until tomorrow Readers!


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Love is a Frozen Chicken Nugget

Good Morning Readers,

Before you start thinking that I have some sort of unsavory love affair going on with the goods in my freezer, please let me stop you there. The topic I’d like to discuss today utilizes chicken nuggets solely for the purpose of explaining one of the important reasons I love my husband….
     I should start by letting you know, as I don’t believe I’ve actually mentioned it before, that I putter off to work every night after my husband gets home. Most of my adventures happen during the day with the twins, so work never seems that relevant, but last night prompted me to fill you in with that detail.   
     You see, when I venture out of the house each evening, my dear husband takes over the night shift all by himself. This means... he entertains, feeds, diapers, pajamas, and tucks in the piglets all by his lonesome. Before tonight, I haven’t really mentioned it, for the simple reason that I take his amazing dedication for granted, and get too caught up in the little annoying things like piles of boxers in the bathroom, incessant talk of fantasy football, and selective hearing (an entirely different post in itself).
     Last night, as I dragged my weary carcass from my vehicle, into the house, I could only meditate on what I’d eat for dinner, and how fast I could roll into bed after that. I greeted my husband and jumped in the shower; after which, I yanked on some pajamas and headed to the kitchen. Deciding he was hungry, my husband followed...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Turkey Legs and Tights

Good Morrow Readers,

I doth fair appropriately and how be thee on this fine morn? If you've been wondering what I've been up to I'm sure you have....the above hopefully clued you in. Yes, that's right. This weekend, I was privy to the sight, sounds, and occasionally disturbing costuming of the Renaissance Festival. I wanted to relate this spectacle to you yesterday, but as the twins were is seriously foul moods, that just wasn't happening. Now let's see what I can remember...
     As usual, when Saturday morning rolled around, husband and I started looking for things we could keep the twins busy with. As luck would have it, some friends of ours gave us a call and asked us to accompany them to aforementioned festival. We gladly accepted, jumping at the chance to stroll around once again in the fine weather we've been having. And, as we'd never been to this particular event before, we were highly curious as to what we'd been missing....if I'd only known.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Can You Please Make My Baby Cry?...Again

Good Morning Readers,

Lets start today by doing a little exercise in imagination. I'd like you to close your eyes and envision yourselves sitting in a very small room. It's quite cold and poorly lit. You feel totally alone. In the distance, you hear a child crying. All of the sudden, a large woman, who looks to be of Viking origin, throws open the door and demands that you both strip your child naked and follow her to the room at the end of the hall. For those of you who thought I was describing a Kubrick film, you're close, but not quite. For everyone else that guessed that it's just another trip to my childrens' doctor....please accept this gold star.
     Ahh, the four month check-up. This is what my husband and I were up to yesterday. For those of you who’ve never been blessed with a trip to the pediatrician, I can only give you a rough description of what could only be described as a nightmarish, medical, Disneylandesque jaunt. Reason being, is that you really must take it in for yourself sometime. I insist.
     No, really. There’s honestly nothing more enjoyable than hauling two very hefty babies to the fourth floor of a building in the hopes of making it to the appointment on time. It doesn’t really matter however, as you will be made to entertain your children like a circus clown while you wait for another 20 minutes to see the doctor.
     When you’re finally fortunate enough to be called, you are then herded into the aforementioned tiny, freezing room, where, you’re asked to undress your babies. This works out wonderfully, as your child is already frightened and crying…why not make them shiver as well? You're then forced

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Baby Bootcamp....aka...Mental Toughness

Good Afternoon Readers,

There was no getting around it, today, the laundry absolutely needed to be addressed. And as much as I like living like a hobo, pulling my outfits from the clean laundry basket or maybe recycling from the dirty one, we simply needed to both wash and put away some clothing. There's only one problem that seems to present itself whenever I need to get something like this done...I simply can't hold two babies and do housework simultaneously. Just doesn't work (then again, if I happen to grow a third arm, I could possibly swing it). Today I was forced to practice some tough love and mental strength.

But, before I launch in to my experience of putting away the laundry, I should probably inform you of something first. My daughter, as it turns out, hates being put on her stomach... Actually, she hates being put down in general. At this point in her life, being surgically attached to me is just. fine. with. her. And as it stands right now, I do most activities with her either sitting in my lap, or standing on my lap,simultaneously slapping me in the face with one of her chubby paws....Peachy

Monday, September 13, 2010

Celebrations and Meatloaf

Good Morning Readers,

So I'm happy to report that I've pulled myself together enough to successfully rear my children to the age of 4 months. Granted, when we drove them home from the hospital oh so many weeks ago, I had serious doubts that we'd all make it through the first night together (let alone a lifetime), but we've been sweetly successful so far.....

Ok, so as I was very excited about my little mile marker in child raising, I decided to get in the kitchen and actually cook something.... I guess this requires a little explanation....Now, there's a lot of things I like to do in the way of homemaking:  cleaning, laundry, bed making, dishes, etc. However, when it comes to running into the kitchen and whipping up a four course meal...Julia Child, I'm not. Yep, tried to read the Joys of Cooking, failed to find the joy in it, and used it to prop up a chair instead.

This is the part where most people, including my husband, tend to tell me that I don't know HOW to cook. Wrong! I know how to cook, I just derive no pleasure from it at all. As I like to say, I know how to run too, but you don't see me signing up for every marathon in town.....That aside, occasionally I like to surprise my husband with something I've lovingly thrown together and shoved in the oven. And since it was cause to celebrate, I completely talked myself into making some delicious meatloaf.

Ahh, the ever reliable meatloaf. Easy to make. Easy to bake. Gathering everything I needed on the counter top, I proceeded to put my son in the Johnny Jump Up and my daughter in her swing.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

It's a Jungle Around Here....No Really

Good Morning Readers,

How are you? I'm doing well, just a little concerned. I don't care what anyone says, but being a housewife is a dangerous business, which, consequently, harbors hazards untold. I guess subconsciously I've always know this, but as of late, it's starting to fully reveal itself....and it's becoming an "expect the unexpected" type of life. Oh just gather round and I'll tell you what I mean....

Example 1) You must be a fearless spider killer....cold, both in the eyes and the heart. Now, you could just let those hairy little monsters run free, and simultaneously pat yourself on the back for being a little closer to St. could grab the nearest shoe and smash it to smithereens onto the wall. I personally, opt for plan B. Why? For the simple reason that in my mom-reasoning, everything is out to get my babies, and I must protect them... Insane? Maybe. All I know, is that I came face to face with one giant, particularly gangly fellow of the arachnid persuasion in my basement the other day, and let's just say....he didn't live to tell the tale.

Example 2) You simply must arm yourself for perilous cleaning situations. I've been presented with a couple of these lately(one of them involved facing what lives in the bottom of my bathtub)but the most frightening by far, was what was lurking in my refrigerator.
Chocolate pudding is usually harmless...usually. But when it's taken up residence within the recesses of your fridge, it's time to take action. My usual defense is to simply throw the entire offensive container into the garbage (I've lost a lot of good Tupperware this way mind you).

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Here's to Ireland....

Hey Readers,

You don't have to say it.....I missed you too. First and foremost, I apologize for leaving you all by yourselves for a few days. I've received more than a few inquires as to where I've been and whether I'd post ever ever again......well of course! Really, the long and short of its been the super busy weekend we just made our way out of. Like everyone else, I took the three day weekend ever so seriously and didn't partake in any work oriented activities.....this included writing as well. Yep, you said it...I'm lazy. But that doesn't matter readers, for what we did do this weekend, was to introduce our twins to their very first Irishfest....

As luck would have it, a very kind source supplied us with weekend tickets. And since my husband and I aren't nearly as boring as we look, we threw the stroller in the car and hit the road. Let me just say that we relish this type of public outing. Open air, room for the stroller, and nice. big. beers..... There's nothing more adorable than watching two young parents strolling twins with matching glasses of stout in each hand....I know. Beautiful right? Brings a tear to this eye.....

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Of Rain and Squids...

Call me a match, cause I'm burnt out. ..This is mainly due to the virtual barrage of things I’ve had to think up in order to keep the twins amused over the last couple of days. Because of Mother Nature’s recent gift of irritating rain, my options on what to do with the babies, have been seriously limited. At this point, I’m starting to feel like a really lame camp counselor who keeps scraping the bottom of the activity barrel, in the hope that the kids won’t just walk out.

Usually, if we get bored, I pile everyone into the stroller and get out and about the neighborhood. Since that’s out of the question, and taking them walking in a public place like a mall sounds about as fun as Chinese Water Torture, I’ve opted, instead to keep everyone inside. My M.O. has been to corral the babies on my bed, along with piles of toys, Bumbo seats, nap-time pillows and blankets, etc. Basically, anything needed for direct survival is kept within arms reach. My room no longer harbors an oasis of tranquility for its owner, but instead, looks like a Toys R Us stumbled in drunkenly one night and threw up.

The past forty-eight hours have been filled with 102 games of peek-a-boo, 86 shakes of a rattle, 70 different musical stylings on the Magical Scales Musical Fish Piano (I’ve almost figured out how to sound out Billy Idol’s White Wedding, but not quite). Aaaand….50 performances by Captain Calamari, the stuffed squid dressed like a pirate (seriously, I have no idea, so don’t ask). All in all…I’m tired.

I’m pretty sure the peanuts don’t get tired of me, but I swear sometimes they give each other sideways glances. Glances that say, “Seriously? Is she really starting Row Row Row Your Boat again?”. So……tomorrow will be different. I’m determined. We’ll get out. We’ll visit friends, pet farm animals, stare at passing cars…anything but another round of Masterpiece Theater with Captain Calamari…..Despite what they may think, my goal isn’t to bore my children to death four months after they’ve gotten here.

So at this point, I'm open to suggestions. Anybody wanna throw some baby friendly activity ideas my way?