Sunday, November 7, 2010

Ho Ho Hold On a Minute People

Good Afternoon Readers.

     Let me begin by asking you a question. Do you enjoy eating Halloween candy while listening to Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls, or Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer? Hmm…yes, neither do I.  And as I haven’t really cranked about anything in a bit…or at least I think I haven’t, I’d like to vent to you today about something that bothers me every year….this year being the most annoying thus far. This poop in my popcorn, on so many levels, happens to be America’s obsession (or by closer approximation, manufacturer’s obsessions) with trying to get us poor folk  to celebrate Christmas TWO months before the actual holiday. Grrr. I’ll name a couple reasons just why this is not only ridiculous but stressful…..and we all know that causes breakouts. Let’s begin.
     As I sat in my car the day after Halloween, I flipped through the stations casually looking for something to take the edge off of waiting in traffic. What I got was Silent Night. Huh? I racked my brain trying to figure out whether I’d gunned the Blazer to 88 and accidentally ended up in the future again. No, that wasn’t it. Hadn’t I just dressed my babies in whimsical costuming the night before? Yes. My only thought…“Holy Crap, they’ve done it again this year."
     Now, some of you may think that Christmas music two months prior to the Holiday is fun and harmless. I believe that it’s horrible for two separate reasons. Firstly, let’s just face the fact that Christmas music too early causes Christmas music burn out too early, as well. I hate the feeling of finally getting to Our Lord’s birthday, and wanting to scream if I hear I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas One. More. Time.
     Secondly, you begin to strike panic into unsuspecting women’s (I’d say men too, but, Christmas sneaks up on them regardless) hearts. This is a panic that says sends you into absurd debates as to whether Grandma Rose needs that new pot holder or the Clapper this year. Which can you get faster? Have you even THOUGHT about everyone else? All the Kids? Cousin Alvin? Ahhhhhhhh!!!! 
     This unnecessary panic, that’s been irremovably placed within your heart, now transitions with you the next time you head to any store, except maybe Bob’s Warehouse of Atheist and Non- Holiday Oriented Supplies. The worst, I find, is probably a certain supercenter. Why? For the simple reason that you’re assaulted on every possible sensory plane you have. Just yesterday, I was urged to buy toys in bulk and stuff my stockings NOW. If it’s not toys their pushing, then it’s Christmas themed clothing or in general, just a huge back room FILLED with Christmas decorations. I needed to slap my own hand for almost indulging in the urge to fill my cart with shiny balls and ropy garlands and tear my way with glazed eyes all the way to the checkout.
     I’ll lay off my little rant here (although I’d love to open up on the atrocities of putting eggnog out two months before some people need to fit into candy cane embellished, velour pants for the office Christmas party, but that’s nether here nor there). I'd be interested to know what you think about this though. Do you, my faithful readers, jingle bell rock out with a mug of hot chocolate the day after Halloween? or...are you like me and wait until you hear reindeer clacking on your shingles before throwing up the tree? Let me know in my super sweet little poll I figure out how to post to your right...

Until next time Readers!