Thursday, December 2, 2010

Death to You Oh Blackest of Fridays..

Good Morning Readers,

How is everyone? I know I've been absent again, but it's that time of year. I’m of course referring to the past Thanksgiving weekend. Nothing truly pivotal happened besides the usual family gathering, over-eating, and falling asleep to visions of pumpkin pies dancing in my head. (I AM a fat kid occasionally). However, we did learn a little something about Black Friday. Ready? Never ever ever ever…take your babies to the mall on that day.
     Now, I know some of you are laughing to yourselves saying “Of course not you fool!”, but sometimes as a parent, you get bored, and that prompts you to do things that defy reason. This includes navigating your family through a sea of sweaty, desperate people searching for the cheapest head-contouring pillow, blender, porcelain porpoise, etc…on the market.
    And as we don’t really hit the bars exactly anymore, this is what husband and I found ourselves doing this past Friday. Now, we figured it’d be crowded, but in our youthful optimism, we thought that there would at least be enough room to move the stroller... and since we weren’t really shopping or planning to muscle through any stores, we looked forward to an ok trip…Wrong. Oh so wrong…
     I'm pretty sure that I've never had a less enjoyable trip to the mall. I mean, there could be a time I've blocked from my memory that involved shopping for a training bra or some other life-scarring event..but it doesn't come to mind. The main source of woe for our little party made itself apparent with our first couple steps through the building. My son, as it turns out, hates the stroller. Not because it's uncomfortable (I mean, I'd ride in it), but because in his tiny perception, once we get behind the contraption, my baby boy thinks that we've left him and he's somehow navigating a sea of scary people all by himself...uh huh.
     Because of this development, the bulk of the trip found myself alternating carrying a pretty heavy baby on my hip and putting him back in the stroller so that my back didn't give out. Fortunately, the building was about 150 degrees, which allowed me to leave a thick trail of sweat all the way from Macy's to the pretzel kiosk. Every time we put my son back in the stroller, we became "those people" whose children cause the thin blonds in the Coach store to roll their eyes at the inconvenience of "noise".
     Yes, it was quite a trek. One that was made only more difficult by the hoards of people that needed to stop and chat with us. This was, as usual, the icing on the cake that is an outing for us at this point in our lives. We appreciate it...we really do. it really necessary to stop two desperate looking parents trying to sooth their crank of a baby just to tell them that "You know, I have a twin!", "My mother was a twin!", "I have twins, but they're all grown up now!".....
Geez, thanks. It must be nice not to have to drag them around the mall anymore huh?
     After about an hour or so of this fiasco, we threw in the towel and headed for the car. Sweat beading on our foreheads, we drove home in silence, anticipating an early bedtime and some sort of cocktail that could be made from an old bottle of Vodka and some crystal light. Live and learn I suppose. Black Friday is now a life long enemy however and will be avoided at all costs for years to come.....I think.

Until next time Readers!