Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Driving Miss Crazy

Hey Readers,

Helen Keller once said, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved." But she was deaf though. So....... Anyhow, I can only hope she's right, for the simple reason that the crying around here is reaching astronomical levels. Because of this, I've just returned from the ever-reliable "Sanity Drive".
      This particular outing has been employed by parents the world over for many many centuries. (and for the smarty pants Reader who just pointed out that cars haven't been around that long, I bet if you looked back in history, you'd find some stressed-out ancient Egyptian woman driving around her donkey cart with a papyrus-swaddled, screaming baby in the back.) Most often, this technique is utilized if the child won't calm down, or the parent just needs to get out of the house for any reason at all. Today's excursion was prompted by a need to mail the credit card bill. Yes, that's right, just one little bill. But after all the screaming I've endured today, I would've jumped at the chance to drive to the town courthouse just to make sure the giant clock on the tower was in sync with my cell phone...ugh, desperation, how I loath thee.

      Clinging to this "legitimate" excuse to put my babes in traffic, I bundled the cranky muffins up and tucked them into the car. And let me tell you, backing out of my driveway was a sweet release I thought only half a carrot cake and a jug of milk can bring. Heaven. Pure heaven. You see, my children love to be in the car. They hum, sleep or look out the window. They could be plotting world domination for all long as they're quiet. (My deepest apologies to those whose offspring hate moving vehicles. A metaphorical heart bleeds for you.)
     It was in this manor, that we headed to the post office and dropped off our bill. The mission was completed, but I just couldn't bring myself to head back. So the next logical move was, of course, to drive around through neighborhoods, killing time and wasting gas. Ehh, not the most frugal or reasonable of decisions, but let's face it, sane decisions are few and far between once the fruit of your loins shows up and starts asking for things. So we drove..and drove...and drove. Up streets and down streets, we perused nice looking homes and crappy looking ones, and ones that found me conjuring up visions of hosting little Victorian tea parties on my veranda whilst wearing a corset; my lovely dress billowing in the wind and my children frolicking in the neatly kept yard. Yeah...right.
     Forty-five minutes later, I realized that it was probably time to head back to our normal little split level and call it a morning. Well, that, and the fact that local residents were starting to look at my circling suv like I was looking for my next victim. My apologies to everyone who lives on Oak street.
     Our little sanity drive was a success. Both cranky muffins were now sleeping muffins and I was a happy mother....that is, until I had to wake them up, haul them up the stairs and was promptly greeted by dirty diapers....but that's another story.

Until Next Time Readers!