Thursday, January 20, 2011

Warning....Your Man May Have This Condition

Blah, blah, blah........
For those of you who don't know, that's the sound my husband hears when I start speaking. That's right Readers, I'm talking about the little studied condition of selective hearing. Sadly, this effects 100% of males, and there is no known cure. A research grant is pending.
I bring this up only because a serious case has broken out in my house as of late. Now Readers, anyone of you who's ever been in any sort of relationship with a man has experienced this ailment; the distant stare, the glazed eyes, and the occasional non-committal nod. This particular nod, for some reason, lulls you into thinking that the man-subject is truly taking in the surely vital information that you've decided to bestow on him.

     Men tend to think that we women just yammer on about pointless things like shopping. In reality, the information that we're disclosing to them is usually something that's being imparted to them for their own good and survival.
     The selective hearing incident usually isn't evident until much later. My professional estimate would put it at about 5-7 days after said conversation. It also tends to unveil itself at just the moment when the omitted information would prove most useful. i.e.....
Your husband notices you pulling out your best dress and most reliable spandex from the closet, in an attempt to get ready for a wedding. He looks at you with a pathetic and confused expression whilst saying something like "Where are you going?" You respond, "WE are going to a wedding dearest." ...more blank staring..."We are? You never told me that." At this point, you're right eyebrow is raised practically to the ceiling. You exhale...and repeat the necessary information again. "Lord, give me strength." you whisper under your breath.
     Now, this is just a fictional scenario...one I hope never to have to live out. But it has happened lately on lesser levels. It seems that it's very hard to be heard over a computer, x-box, etc. My momma didn't raise no fool, however, so I don't really panic when ignored. I usually take this as a que to read or eat the last of his favorite ice cream from the freezer. Every man comes out of the coma at one point or another. And unfortunately, it's our job to remove the controller/ mouse from his hand and lead him, blinking, back into the bright light of reality.
     Don't worry Readers, today's post is really just an exercise in writing therapy. My heart spills over with a Jane Austin-ish love for my man. He really and truly is my Mr. Darcy. But damn.....is it that hard to listen sometimes?

Until Next Time Readers!