Thursday, March 24, 2011

Hide Your Glasses. Hide Your Pans.

Morning Readers,

    Wedding crystal. There are so many uses for it, it's impossible to count. For example, there's....  and um.... there's always.... Oh wait a minute. There are no uses for wedding crystal. Ok, ok there are those secret times that I dim the lights and try to make my Crystal Light feel special. But on a daily basis? Not so much. That's a good thing though. When the twins eventually pick the lock on the only cabinet with a lock, rip out the insides, and smash all my sparkly stemware to pieces....well, I guess I won't be able to hold it against them for too long. The kitchen's their domain now; I just microwave in it.

     It all started with an olive branch...er...spatula. One bright, sunny morning, I held out two black, plastic pancake-flippers and said, "Here, knock yourselves out." They were issued one pot to "bang" on and a frying pan for variety. With smug satisfaction, I watched them sitting happily in the middle of the kitchen floor, smacking their pot and drumming on the frying pan. I gave myself a big pat on the back because I was a genius. Hand kids a hunk of plastic, and they'll leave you alone.
     For several days, my miniature, family band played sets in the kitchen, living room, and, if I was lucky, right under my table/desk, while I was wasting time on the internet writing. The constant noise didn't bother me. They weren't pulling on my leg or yelling, "Maaa", so I was happy like clam. And, just as I was settling into some sort of comfort, it all came crashing down. Literally.
   Jurassic Park and I now had something in common....While I wasn't looking, they'd gotten smarter. An avalanche of kitchenware, two high-pitched screams, and the realization that my son was sitting in the bottom drawer of the oven, ushered in a new era of thought. Providing my children with these new "toys" had prompted the question, "Where can we procure more of these goods?"
     Sure, I tried to put everything back in it's place, tell my son that he couldn't live in the oven, and convince my daughter that cookie sheets, even at their most exciting....weren't. But it was too late. Every morning since, Louis and Clark, have shuffled into the kitchen, opened the cabinets and begun their exploration. We only have one cabinet that allows us to put a child-safety lock on it. It now houses the useless crystal, all glass pans and appliances that eat fingers. The remaining compartments are open season. At the very least, when people ask me what the kids are up to, I can say confidently that one's in the oven and the other is in the cabinet.

Until Next Time Readers!