Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Modern Electric

Morning Readers,

     In the late 1960’s, when hippies roamed the Earth and Nancy Sinatra had just discovered her boots were made for walking and not for killing spiders , a team of builders got together and mapped out the plans for my home. Putting their shaggy heads together, they designed wonders such as “scary small bathroom”, “closet not big enough to store midget wardrobes”, and “strange hole in porch where the spigot is hiding and will never be found.” But before they slapped the big DONE stamp on my abode, they got together and left me one…yes, one….outlet, in my kitchen.

     The electrical situation in our home leaves something to be desired. Nightly, I’ve stared at my popcorn ceilings, praying that the breaker box, sleeping in the basement, won’t spark to life and say, “ Time to light this banana stand up like a torch. Who's with me?” Like the singular outlet in the kitchen, the main breaker is outdated and in dire need of facelift. So after two years of living in fear (but not frightened enough to drag out the checkbook..just enough to keep the extinguisher loaded), Husband and I made the call.

     He appeared on our porch, the kindly-looking, Lebanese man who liked my dog (who likes my dog?) and re-assured us that the house wasn’t ready to burn down. The man was magic. After he provided us with his ancient, electrical knowledge and a decent quote, I felt the overwhelming urge to wrap my arms around him and offer to cook his favorite meal. I refrained, so as not to scare him away from providing me with the vital kitchen outlets I so badly desired.

     So today is the day. Men are cutting holes in my walls, ripping out wiring, and leaving me to type to you, dear Readers, in the dark, relying on the last bit of battery my laptop can muster. Tomorrow’s creeping dawn ushers in a new era; One where I proudly plug in three to four appliances at once. A brave new world where I’m not afraid to spark the dishcloth on fire, by trying to brew coffee and run the crock pot simultaneously. Tomorrow is electrical liberation!

Until Next Time Readers!

P.S. I apologize for the tiny print. All things electrical have turned against me, today.