Thursday, April 14, 2011

11 Month Status Report

Morning Readers,

     It's been four days since the twins turned 11 months old, and like the terrible mother I am, I neglected to post about it and instead talked about poop, GPS systems and all the other minor things in life. A shame really, as Butch and Sundance are doing a spectacular job of becoming the two of most interesting people I've met during my life-treck. I say they're doing a great job because I'm starting to figure out that parents don't have as much control as they think they do when it comes to their children's developmental progress. Following, a list of notable things Laurel and Hardy have figured out, all before their first and auspicious birthday.

1.) Teeth

     "Mom, what if it's some sort of weird, genetic thing? He could be the only one without them. The only baby with *whispers*..dentures."

After this ridiculous, though warranted discussion, my wise mother allayed my fears by telling me that I was overreacting. Turns out she was right, as my son (coming in second place by several weeks) has miraculously sprouted two teeth, albeit in rather goofy places, his grin displaying one on the top and one on the bottom. A step in the right direction, to be sure, but on the off chance these are the only ones he gets, Santa may be bringing a banjo next Christmas, and my boy will just have to sell it.

 2.) Walking

      A big one, and something that will likely be expanded on in a future post. Unlike Weeble People, my tots are wobbling but falling down...a lot. Every nine seconds spells out a new "tragedy" in the form of some individual face-planting, tipping to the side, or falling backwards like a tiny drunkard. Neither Husband nor I taught them this new skill; they brainstormed it. And I must admit, it's both a little frightening and amusing to look to my left and watch a person, no taller than my knee, strolling casually across the living room.

3.) Dog Bowl Swimming/Dog food Eating

     Irritating to an unimaginable degree, the babes have become fascinated with Flea's dining wear. Invariably, my son takes the time I'm distracted making bottles, to sneak over to the shiny water bowl and partake in his "morning bathing routine". My daughter, meanwhile, preoccupies herself with sampling the "cuisine" from the other dish. If I had any usable brain cells left, I would put both things out of reach before they get up, but I don't, so this is how it goes. By the time it's dawned on me, my son has already "baptized" himself in filthy water, rubbing it into the floor for added effect, while his sister chews happily on a mouthful of Purina. On mornings such as this, I think about mailing the dog, the bowls and both children to Bangladesh.

4.) The Basket 

     Enough time hasn't elapsed to have given my daughter a complex, but that hasn't stopped her from believing she's a dinner roll. Day in and day out, she scoops out the toys from the toy basket and hops right in. When missing, it's a safe bet that Miss Sassy Pants can be found (like her Mamma) reading books in her basket, pudgy feet propped up on the side of the wicker. However one likes to enjoy literature, I suppose....

4.) Hide and Go Seek 

     The "God gave you a twin, so go play with each other" speech is finally starting to pay off. Utilizing the curtains, kitchen cabinets, back of the coffee table, etc, the Dynamic Duo has discovered the satisfaction of "You hide for five seconds. I find you". An excellent spectator sport, but I also thank the good Lord that I'm able to unload the dishwasher in peace.  Caveats are usually discovered when someone's gourd get's "found" and inadvertently slammed against a wall or door.

     The list could go on and on. Knowing that they have the capability and an opinion, my children have begun to brew the cocktail of destructive decisions that my Mother was always ranting about, and which will, no doubt find me in my grave before my thirty-fifth birthday. But at least I know where I stand before the "year mark". Stay with me Readers; I'll need you for support....and possibly tips on scavenging free Prozac.

Until Next Time!