Monday, April 18, 2011

Released Into Polite Society

Morning Readers,

     He was adorable. As he bounced up to my daughter, I couldn't help thinking this would be the start of her affinity for red-haired boys. And as he slipped his fat, two-year-old baby arm around her shoulders, my suspicions that my baby girl happens to be the cutest on the planet, were confirmed. I didn't have much time to dwell on this though. My son was ready to pitch himself from a "giant" slide and maim himself for life. This past Friday required my attention on a variety of levels. I didn't get a chance to write to you, my dear Readers, as I was deeply immersed in the timid blending of my children with other children in a public setting. Yeah, it's ok to start praying for the rest of the world now...

      Overcast and chilly, Friday had been the perfect day to get a call from my sister in law. In case I've never filled you in, she had twins this year. A boy and a girl. Yes, you calculated correctly; within less than a year, two sets of boy-girl twins arrived ready to make all of our lives more interesting. This also means that my sister in law is navigating the tedium of having twins within the first two months of their lives, along with tending to the needs of a three-year-old. The only logical conclusion then, was to pack-up all five children and take them into a public arena.
    Padded walls can mean safety or insanity. In our case, it meant a vast enclosure built specifically to turn children loose like fluffy, drooling sheep. We'd settled on the mall and it's "play place", a space already teeming with children wound as tight as Pam Anderson's bra. Screaming, laughing and patting random strangers on the knee abounded, and I had a few reservations about setting my two, new walkers down in the midst of what appeared to be, a mini baby battlefield. But it's me so..
     While my SIL sat with the tiny babes, I, Butch, Sundance, and my nephew headed into the fray. My nephew, an experienced climber and socialite, had no problem vaulting onto the first foam car that intersected his path. My children, on the other hand, sat on the floor and shot looks towards my face that seemed to say:

     "Dear Mother, do you hate us this much? That you'd choose to abandon us to, what surely is, Dante's vision of the Infurno?"

     But we persevered. Setting up camp next to a giant, foam flower, and a couple who also had boy/girl twins, we established some sort of "safe zone" to wander in. Slowly but surely, my wee ones began to toddle about. Meaning, they stumbled around like miniature Frankenstein monsters searching for some type of expiation as to why they were there.
      As funny as it was to watch, their stumbling brought on comments from the other parents as to how great it was that they were walking before they turned one. Not wanting to call too much attention to the fact that I hadn't really brushed my hair that day, I refrained from shouting.

" Yeah, because my husband and I have superior genes and we make super babies!! And your kid is eating his own sock!."
     It took the twins about fifteen minutes to decide that they loved that place. When the time came to retrieve ours from the huge wall of strollers, I had trouble finding babies to put in it. Mainly because they were both hiding in a red, foam car. After determining that it was to be their new home, they did their best to make momma, her lumpy diaper bag and her crazy hair squeeze themselves through an opening the size of a port hole, in an attempt to extract four, pudgy baby legs.
     But extract them, I did. Everyone was loaded back into their strollers, and we headed, all five children in tow, to a lunch for the history books. That's another story though.

Until Next Time Readers!