Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What Book Did You Wander Out of Mam?

Morning Readers,

     Anyone who knows me, knows I love to read. Especially fiction. I tear it up. Right now I'm reading The Terminal Man, by Michael Crichton, a great story about mind control and all sorts of characters one is content to read about, but thanks the Lord don't walk among us in reality.

And yet...

After what happened to me the other day, I can't help but wonder whether the fictional characters, tired of being confined to the printed page, have decided to wander among us, haunting grocery lines, asking odd questions and forcing me to make random decisions for them.

     Baby firmly strapped to the front of me, I'd been attempting to reach into my cart and extract the last of my goods: Feta, yogurt, string cheese. Too preoccupied with pondering whether that much dairy is healthy for a person, while trying my best not to tip my son, headfirst, into the metal basket, I hadn't seen her coming. By the time I looked up, it was too late.

"Which ones would be better?"

"Er..."

     Two sticker packages had been shoved into my face. To my right, a princess variety pack. To my left..fairies. Two, wide, glazed eyes told me that I'd been nominated to make this vital decision. The crazy curls bouncing up and down while she twitched, told me that the decision needed to be made now. I hugged my children closer.

"You see", she continued. "I have to go to a birthday party in thirty minutes. Thirty minutes! And what stickers am I supposed to bring? At first I thought that fairies would be alright, but then I thought, well that's not very popular right now. And so princesses seemed like a great choice. They're popular now, right? What do you think? I just don't know. I don't know. I don't know."

"Um...princesses are usually a good bet", I said. "A solid choice. Go with the princesses." (You know, whatever the voices are telling you to do.)

     I backed the kids towards me and continued to check out. Behind me, a flury of brown curls and coke-bottle glasses was unloading things for a birthday party that was apparently for the city's most important sticker connoisseurs. We weren't done.

"And now I don't know if donuts are ok. I mean, this thing's in thirty minutes! Thirty minutes! It's just so much! It's stressful trying to get all this stuff ready.  I think donuts are ok, but, I mean, what're you supposed to do in thirty minutes?"

"Donuts are good."

Thirty minutes did you say? Will that give you enough time to follow me to the car, kill me and my family, and throw us in the conveniently-located recycling bins?

     I re-assured her that everything was going to be alright. Although, hearing that everything's going to be "alright" from a lady with a crooked ponytail and two babies hanging off her, may not have been the most comforting thing in the world. But then...I was only concerned with sprinting back to my car and booking it back home. And with any luck, "sticker lady" has retrieved her book and slipped back into the pages...I hope.

Until Next Time Readers!