Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Happy Anniversary: I Have A Face and A Book Review and A Top Ten List

Morning Readers,

     I could lie and say I've got all my thoughts in order today, but I shan't. Actually, if you read today's title, you probably already know it's an off day, and there's an excellent chance if you keep reading, you'll end up as confused as I am. So, let's see.....yes, that was it. I need to mention my anniversary. If I don't, I'll forget that I had one. I had an anniversary. Husband and I have officially been married for two years....and I have a face. Crap, I'm getting off subject again.

     Perhaps it's an afterthought because of the way  it went down. I'm not totally sure how second anniversaries are supposed to happen. Saturday morning found me staring at the ceiling and waiting for fireworks, cake, or some type of commemorative button. But then I rolled over, and the back of Husband's head seemed to say Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart, now go get the kids up and feed them breakfast. So get them up, I did, and spent the greater part of the morning chasing Butch and Sundance around the house,scraping pancake off the floor.

10:00am : This particular time sticks out to me because it was finally nap time. Exactly ten hours of my anniversary had elapsed without Husband. I thought to myself, This must be how widows celebrate. I compile a Top Ten List of things I've learned in the last two years:

10.) If the cabinets need to be shut, I should do it myself.
  9.) The underwear will always miss the hamper.
  8.) Cuddling will usually result in a pillow fight or a power struggle over the remote.
  7.) If you run out of gas on the side of the road, it's your fault, not the gas station's for not calling to remind you to fill the tank.
  6.) Forgetting to buy toilet paper could create an irreparable rift in the relationship and time-space continuums, respectively.
  5.) If I don't remember to bathe the children, they'll morph into unrecognizable dust balls.
  4.) Yelling doesn't me anywhere; it's all about the well-formed back-handed comment.
  3.) Try as I might, I'll never have the same respect for certain TV shows. Will start petition to ban certain dvds for next year.
  2.) I must get used to particular facial hair choices (will expand on this later).
  1.) I still love Husband even though I haven't seen him for the first eleven hours of our anniversary (make mental note to see if he's still breathing.)

11:00am: Everyone in the house is sleeping. I imagine I'm still single, and sneak out to my peaceful back deck where I finish a lovely book. Nothing says, "I'm so glad I've been married for two years" like a story full of deep thoughts and tragedy....it had beaches in it though. If you'd like to read it, I wrote a quick review here.

11:45am: I am an island, alone and unattached. I am....being stared at by natives. I am found out. From my peaceful seat I see two, fat faces pressed against the glass. It is sound proof, but I believe they're mouthing, "Ma?". I am expected to vacate my seat and make lunch.

Noon: I greet Husband, tell him "Happy Anniversary" and make lunch.

     In all fairness, the rest of the day was...ok, I don't really remember. But we saw a movie later and all was well with the world. Two years, though. Let it go down in history.
     And finally, I have a face. In case you, my Readers, haven't notice yet, I've decided to reveal my stunning good looks. Please be kind and not photo-copy it, take it to dinner and tell everyone "this" is who you're dating. Along those same lines, please don't parade it around, laughing, and letting everyone come up with a fun caption to put underneath it. I can only show up at your house two to three times yelling, "I am not an animal!"....I'm a busy woman.

Until Next Time, Readers!