Monday, July 25, 2011

Hello Nature, It's Me Again.

 Morning Readers,

     I feel like I'm on a boat dock. And what began as a pretty straight forward attempt at writing today's post is quickly becoming a game of "stop moving around, laptop...I mean it". My wood laminate is also doing an excellent impression of the rise and swell so carefully described in Moby Dick. "Stop it. We're not hunting whales on a Monday." I want to scream. The past three days were spent in the wild. Ok, it was more along the lines of a very lovely house on the lake, but close enough that I had to shake hands with nature. And you all know how I feel about nature. Just in case you made a complete leap and assumed I went frolicking through valleys of wildflowers, whilst hugging a badger...

Hold on.... that was a bad one. Let me swim after my laptop and we'll continue.

Friday: After Husband, my sister, me and Kindle (did you really think I left it at home?) complete a two hour drive, we arrive, settle in and head to the dock - beginning a three-day destruction of my weak equilibrium. Bedtime arrives and finds me wobbling to bed, finding the screened-in porch, instead, and sleeping on a very tiny couch.
     I awake to the sound of boats, the feeling of being cooked in the sun and realizing an army of bugs has gathered on the outside of the screen. Eight-hundred eyes without eyelids glare at me, dedicated to finding a way in, in order to wrap me in webs and drag me back to their leader. Relief: My host has built a very sound structure which keeps the bugs at bay.

"Not today." I hiss, and turn back over on my tiny couch.

Score-  Me: 1 Nature: 0

Saturday: Everyone heads back to the dock for a day of swimming in the lake. My one-piece and I journey down, set-up camp and enjoy the sun. After reassuring myself the lake is definitely fresh water and the possibility of shark attacks is more-than-likely low, I get up the courage to flop to the edge of the dock and fall in.
     Five minutes later, one of our party recounts something he read about scentists finding a small group of piranha in the same lake we happen to be swimming in.

I get out.

Score - Me: 0 Nature: 1

Sunday: Again, I spend the night on the screened porch and awake to the sounds of what I presume is a sea monster exiting the water, scaling the hill, intent on eating me. Sitting up, and peering over the edge, I realize the splashing is emanating from a rather expensive boat, not Nessie. (Side Note: Poor people often have to make make sense of extravagant yachts and mansions by turning them in to mythical creatures. Our minds can't process them otherwise.)  Relief.
     I still feel like I'm on the dock, and have to lay back down. But not before we let the dog (who's been scratching at the door all night) back in. I explain to Husband I didn't let the one-eyed Yorkie in, the night prior, as I was convinced the pirate dog was a pack of coyotes.

Final Score -

Me: 2 Nature: 2

     Yesterday, we drove back to civilization, showered and enjoyed a nature-free sleep in our own bed. But the laptop's still trying to float away, so maybe nature deserves an extra point....

*In other news, I'm a finalist in this week's caption contest over at The Good Greatsby. A vote for me is a vote for.....well....me. Feel free to vote here and read his very funny posts.

Until Next Time, Readers!