Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I Swear Officer, He Said It Looked Fine

 Morning Readers,

     When I got back from the lake, on Sunday, I did a little 'happy dance' as I brought in the mail. Flopping on the couch and bypassing the stack of bills, I grabbed the white envelope and, in eager anticipation, ripped the end off and shook out the contents. I looked at the contents. I got up, walked to the kitchen, found a paper bag that looked about the right size, and (after cutting-out an eye hole) pulled it over my head. I walked back to the couch and sat down. "I am not an animal", I whispered. My new driver's license just laid on the coffee table, reminding me that I'd been told it looked...um...what was the word? Oh yeah..

     "Ok, now smile and hold still."

      The man behind the camera smiled and prepared to take the picture I'd carry around to identify myself for the next four years or so. This year I'd been ready: brows slicked down, make-up on, hair styled, a minimalist tan that says, "Yeah, I spend some time in the sun, but I'm not trying to win any 'Mrs. Hawaian Tanarama Browner Than Fried Chicken' pageants, or anything."

     "Ready." Smiling my 'hide the double chin' smile, I stared the camera down and welcomed the flash I usually fear so much. Five seconds after, my confidence faded and I could feel the rest of the DMV staring at me. Resisting the urge to whip around, brandish my keys and shout, "Are you not entertained?", I looked to the photographer.

     "That's a good one." Obviously impressed by the photogenicness oozing from my pores, the man's raised eyebrows and blatant expression of satisfaction with his work allayed my fears.  

Old guys dig on the younger ladies, I thought. If he thinks it's hot, it probably is. Sign me up for eight copies of that bad mama jamma. I've been looking for the perfect head shot for months. When I get published, people won't be able to make it past the book jacket. Barns and Noble will have to set up a separate line for people simply wanting to stare at my picture. Sweet elation!
     In the time that's elapsed between receiving my new driver's license and now, I've thought a lot about the word "good" and the various definitions which can accompany it. Webster's defines it as:

a (1) : of a favorable character or tendency <good news> (2) : bountiful, fertile <good land> (3) : handsome, attractive <good looks>

     I've now realized that when the kindly man at the DMV said "good", he meant it in the same way Mr. Wood used it while painting American Gothic and the old farmer lady said, "How do I look? Alright?" and he looked at her and said, 


Until Next Time, Readers!