Friday, July 15, 2011

Ten Reasons It's Not My Birthday

Morning Readers,

      Whew.... just finished flexing in the mirror. In case you're wondering, yes, the guns look great. It's a good thing it's not my birthday, otherwise, my sweet biceps wouldn't be making other moms jealous when I go grocery shopping, lift the 2 lb tub of mayonnaise, above my head, and shout, "Wow, this wouldn't be so easy if I were any closer to 30." Nope, not my birthday yet. I'm sure of it. Although, I did get a card, this morning, and a few people texted me and insisted that it's my birthday. That makes me sad and gives me one more thing to put on my "To Do" list: Find New Friends. You'd think Husband would, at least, know it's not my birthday. But he kissed me and clearly said, "Happy Birthday", this morning. Maybe I need to make sure.

10 Reasons I Know It's Not My Birthday


10.) If it were really my birthday, I'd be under the stairs, waiting patiently to be taken to Hogwarts. Another year, another 365 days suspecting I'm a muggle.

9.) Ordering Justin Bieber's new fragrance (by the case) would seem weird.

8.) Yesterday, the guy at the DMV said I couldn't see out of my left eye. If it were my birthday, and I were close to three decades old, my yelling, "I'm not blind, you're blind", and throwing my checkbook at the lady behind him, would've been a little out of line.

7.) Husband did wake me up and tell me "Happy birthday", but, to be fair, he's not the greatest at remembering dates. If I went by his calender, we'd be lighting fireworks on Christmas. A smoldering Santa smells awful, by the way.

6.) Drag racing those teenage boys, yesterday, would've been immature. If my birthday was close, I never would've responded to, "Hey Lady, that thing couldn't push forty." I wonder how things went with that police officer....(may want to send them a bottle of Bieber fragrance as an "I'm sorry").

5.) When that good-looking guy smiled at me and said, "You have beautiful kids", I wouldn't have hid the stroller behind me and said, "What kids?"

4.) Several hundred people on Facebook sent me "Happy Birthday" messages....but to be honest, my status yesterday was, "Guess who has a 'buy one get one' for White Castle and wants to share?"

3.) My birthday was named a national holiday, eons ago. As far as I know, the post office is still open today, which means my new Netflix should be arriving at any time. If it were my birthday, the mail force would be off work, and I'd be watching "Mysteries of the Deep", by now.

2.) There'd be cake.....where's the cake?

1.) Oh...wait....is today July 15th?

Until Next Time Readers!