Thursday, August 18, 2011

A Quick Dinner

Morning Readers,
    Today the roof is being replaced, which means I've got roughly eight-hundred cattle milling about above the kitchen. By the time I post this, I fully expect to see a pair of work boots fly through the ceiling, land in my sink and ask me for lunch. So, I've decided to dig back into my recipe filofax, and share with you, my Readers, what we had for dinner last night. Enjoy, I've got to go see why the lights are blinking on and off...

Paige's Bueno Burrito 

You will Need:
Beans, cheese, patience, sour cream, ground beef, upper-body strength, salsa, beer, tortillas, a strong internet connection, tomatoes, a voice that carries, lettuce and a cigarette.

1.) Start by removing your frying pan from under the coffee table, place into it the ground beef you forgot to thaw, and set your children in front of their toys.

2.) With the five seconds you've purchased with a stuffed bear and an empty box, turn up the heat and begin hacking at that beef like Dana Scully on a frozen alien.

3.) Halfway through your frosty autopsy, drop the spatula, run to the living room, and have this conversation:

"Fat baby did you unplug the internet again?"
"That's the twenty-fifth time today. Can you stop it?"
"Ma?" Displays now-dead internet connection wire in chubby palm.
"No no no."
"Right, no...crap... just stop..ok?"

3.) Re-set internet connection, turn on Sesame Street and run back to the meat that's turned into a hamburger patty (It's important to stay focused and remember you're making burritos, not cheeseburgers). Chop-up patty into little pieces.

4.) Stop what you're doing and repeat step 2.

5.) Upon returning to the kitchen, turn off heat under slightly over-cooked meat that now looks like that creepy over-tanned woman who reads US magazine at the pool everyday. Remove all other ingredients from the refrigerator.

6.) Chop lettuce and tomatoes. 

7.) Repeat step 2.

8.) Run back to kitchen when you hear the clatter. That particular clatter means your son is climbing the stove, in search of a pan of over-tanned meat to throw on the floor. Really run at this point. It adds flavor.

9.) Extract baby from front of stove and set both babies in their high chairs. Be sure to buckle them in. One usually crawls out, climbs over and sits on top of the other, creating a tandem eating experience. 

10.) Nuke the tortilla, pile on ingredients and serve directly.

11.) Open beer, take a sip, and listen to the sounds of Big Bird convincing your kids to eat. 

12.) After kids are in bed, sit on the porch, nurse beer, light cigarette and wonder who came up with burritos, anyway. 

Until Next Time, Readers!