Friday, August 26, 2011

There's A Coupon For That : My Three Tips And Tricks

Morning Readers,
     Recently, I was advised we're in a recession. I've never had money, so I hadn't noticed much of a change, although, the mailman leaving us IOUs, the trashman only taking our soda cans, and the dog offering me half his breakfast all made more sense. We were poor. I flew to the internets, typed in "broke" and waited for Google to tell me which child needed to be adopted out. Instead, it brought me results for coupons, couponista, and extreme couponing. Coupons?...sounded easy enough, so I gave it my best shot. If this is something you're looking to try, dear Readers, please refer to my tip sheet, before you don your Eco-bag and pad out the door. Life's not always a bowl of .39 bananas...

Paige's Coupon Tip Sheet: 

1.) Extreme

      Before leaving the house, please note that "extreme" does not mean X-treme. I know I know. Confusing, right? By last Friday, I'd sent Tony Hawk so many emails asking whether he could "please find time in a busy man-child skating schedule to buy some cornflakes for a woman in need", the mailman had to leave an IOU stating that when the post office had enough money to deliver mail again, I was receiving a restraining order.

2.) Coupons May Not Be Paper

     After I heard about coupons and looked up the correct pronunciation, my finger clicked wildly and signed me up for every blog, website and carrier pigeon that promised free goods. One morning, I jumped the stairs, hurtled the dog and slammed into my laptop, just to see what was sitting in my inbox. Scissors in hand, I opened the first email. "Free Toothpaste"..We were a family that brushed our teeth. It was practically divine providence. 

      For the next few moments, I tried to figure out how to get the coupon out of the electronic box. I tapped my sewing scissors on the screen. Nothing. I traced the glowing dotted lines with my fingers, hoping it was an advanced app designed to jump into my purse. 

     "Flea", I yelled, "Figure out how to get me this coupon." The dog nudged his nose toward the printer icon.

     I'm now saving all our toothpaste money for a printer..

3.) An Actual Coupon

     I'd just finished pressing my face against the printer store's window, when I realized we still needed groceries.  I decided to try my luck; The babies couldn't eat pictures of food, every night. I headed to the grocer, filled my cart with food, and wheeled to the check-out and smiled at the cashier. "Hi."

"Hi there. Any coupons today?"

"Yes." I bit my lip.

"Mam..this is a drawing of a fish."

"I know. I drew it on the way here. And... it's a tuna."

"Mam?"

"Yes?"

"I can't accept this."

"I think you can. The fins are pretty close to how it looked in the email. Note the the lines denoting gill movement.."

"Mam?"

"Yes?"

"I suggest you get a printer.."


Until Next Time, Readers!