Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Brad Is The Pitts

Morning Readers,

     A couple nights ago, just as I was about to spend some quality time with my Oreo ice cream sandwich, Husband poked me in the shoulder and pointed at the TV. Touching me while I'm eating is usually a good way to lose a hand, but he seemed excited about something, so I held my desert gingerly on my palm, blew on it to keep it cool and waited for an explanation. "Yes?"

     "We should see this movie. It's called Moneyball. I read the book and can't wait to take you to see it."

     I patted my ice cream lovingly. "What's it about...Ice cream that hasn't melted and the men who serve it?"

     "Well, he plays this guy who saves a baseball tea-"

     I threw my sandwich on the rug. "Now, you just stop right there. If I have to hear about one more Pitt achievement, I'll just die."

     "What are you talking about?" Husband began building a throw pillow barrier between us.

     "As if you didn't know. He's upstaged me for years. Look here.." Waiving my arms, I drew an easy-to-navigate air map, complete with invisible columns. "If you'll look to your right, you'll notice in 94' he gently broke the news he's immortal. He was fighting evil vampires and I needed help crossing the street. How do you think that made me feel?"

     "Wait..are you talking about Interview Wi-"

     "Let me finish. By 95' he'd already solved like a billion murders and owned almost a baker's dozen of monkeys. That's a lot of monkeys. I think he trained them to hunt down a serial killer..."

     "What were you doing?"

     " Homework."


      I crossed my legs and stared into the distance. "By 2006, he'd already started a club, robbed two casinos and moved onto a new wife."

     "What were you doing?"

     "I got dumped...oh, and a degree in English...but that doesn't help you rob a casino. Do you think anyone's ever won at Black Jack by lecturing the dealer on Dickens?"

     "No, I suppose not."

     "I don't think you're taking me very seriously. Sweetheart, the man can age backwards. Backwards. He was fighting Nazis while I was merely trudging to work pregnant, every day. Face it, I don't know how any of us can live in a world where Brad Pitt has done so much and the rest of humanity...so little."

     "Are you saying you'll go see the movie with me?"


Until Next Time, Readers!