Friday, October 14, 2011

A Farewell To Romance

Afternoon Readers,

     On the days when I'm lying on the floor pretending my stomach's flat, I often find myself reminiscing about the days when our relationship was young -me and Husband's, not me and my stomach's. The romance, the excitement, the hours of sitting around and pretending we were really busy when we didn't know the meaning of the word. He'd look into my eyes and feign attention while I waxed poetic on the dangers of going from brunette to blond. I'd agree that video games are a cornerstone to society. And I knew we'd forever be as cute as a baby seal eating birthday cake in a polka dotted hat....until a couple days ago, when Husband jumped and yelled...
     "What is that?" Horror struck, he pointed at something across the room.

     Without thinking, I jumped over the pillows and landed in his lap. "What? What is it? I'll get the kids and we'll head to the country like we talked about."

     Grimacing, he scooted away from me. "It's not zombies, it's-"

     "A spider?" I scrabbled up the couch and got in a defensive position. "I can't reach my gear, from here. I'll keep a look out, you run and get my sword. You'll know the one, it'll be glowing blue. Be sure to say the password first. If you can remember "Hamster Quandary", you shouldn't have any trouble getting it out of the stone. Well, don't just sit there."

     His look of disgust hadn't faded. "It's not a spider."

     "Then what? You can't just run disaster drills when I'm not rea-"

     He inched closer to the end of the couch and gesticulated wildly. "Your feet."

     "My feet?"

     "You're feet, woman. Your feet. They're filthy."

     I looked at my soles. "Actually, I'd call it a beautiful shade of midnight reflecting off a lake."

     "Ugh...seriously, how did you get them that dirty?"

     Propping them up on the table, I tilted my toes in his direction. "I spend almost the entire day barefoot. Do the math. The floors get dirty, trips through the garage, one o'clock mud wrestling. We do everything together. Kind of like Chips, except I always tell my feet I'm the Erik Estrada. I refuse to be Ponch. What do you want from me?"

     "Clean feet."

     "We can't have everything we want."

     "But, you could go wash them."

     "I will."


     "Before my next birthday, but after the next commercial, but sometime between now and the holiday season..."

     We've definitely moved out of baby seal territory....

Until Next Time, Readers! 






  1. lol you seriously have a knack with words lady. So glad I ingeniously took the creative liberty of finding/taking suggestions to come over. Nicely done as usual.

  2. Ugh feet really one of these days ill find somerthing better to do with my time at work than read this insanity. ;) anyway could be worse. Have him check out man vs wild on discovery. You're just a subrban version of the hippy.

  3. My heart started to pump at just the thought of him seeing a spider! I'm still not forgiving you for that and so for punishment, I do think you should write about your "non baby seal cute" bedtime convos as well ;) (oh and tell him it could be worse; your feet could be covered in hair like a hobbit!)

  4. Hi Paige, I got your link form Lynn Kelly's blog. Great to meet you. Have a great weekend!

  5. Dirty feet are healthy feet. Like kids who build up immune systems by eating soil. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it :-)

  6. Hi Paige, funny how we slip from cute into "same as everybody else" when we swore we'd never do it. Ok, I'm hooked, I'm following this blog.

    Awesome, Prudence

  7. Paint your toenails fluorescent blue. It'll take his mind off the dirt.

  8. Thanks for the laugh, Paige. How's a girl to remain a godess amidst the chaos of housekeeping?

    Came over from Lynn Kelley's blog as part of the Pay if Forward blogfest.

    Have a great weekend.

  9. Craziness - Thank you very much! I'm so glad I found your blog as well..:)

    Anonymous - I'd agree with that assessment. Now, get back to work...LOL

    Padded Cell - I'm not sure what I can do to make up for the giant spider, so you're right, I'll have to type out one of our conversations before bed. I'll warn you though, it's a lot of me talking and Husband snoring...;)

    Stephen - Great to meet you and so glad you stopped by!

    Sarah - That's the best idea I've heard yet. Healthy feet..yes..I'm going with that..:)

    Dear Prudence - Agreed. We weren't supposed to turn out like everyone else, but alas, it was not Thanks so much for reading and following!

    A Daft Scots Lass - Yes! Another vote for "healthy" feet. I like the way you guys think...:)

    Susan - A great idea! I don't have blue, but I've got a "plum" that might pass...

    J.L. - Correct. It's near impossible to remain goddess-like while doing housework. If you know anybody who can, please forward me the contact info and I'll sign up for lessons...thanks for coming by!..:)

  10. This is SOOOOO hilarious! And it reminds me--I need to wash my feet. All of us AMAZING people must have the same feeling about feet--between now and the holidays must be the best time to clean feet LOL!

  11. Stopped by from LynNerds! Cheers!

  12. Veal - Agreed! You know the feeling; why wear shoes when you're in the house all day? Now we just have to set a date for National Feet Washing Day...LOL

  13. Danette - So glad you stopped by! Lyn is one fantastic lady...:)