Thursday, October 20, 2011

Making Do

Morning Readers,

     When I got the mail, yesterday, I was delighted to see the mailman had stuffed a package that was much too large into our mailbox. Relieved it hadn't arrived in a protective box and set on the porch, away from the elements, I grabbed it and bolted back inside. Butch and Sundance were eating dinner, so it was a perfect time to slice through the plastic, dump out the contents and shake out my brand new coat. My seventeen dollar coat, to be exact. And although I'm pleased to have made such a thrifty purchase, the quality of the thing seems to be lacking. My suspicions were confirmed when I peeked at the tag, which read...

Coat:
This is a product of a country you've never heard of, still in the process of applying for "status of a country". Product is 50% flammable, 50% wearable, and 50% pressed wood chips...also 20% plastic-cotton-poly-blend. Do not wash - garment will disintegrate.


     I wasn't terribly surprised. These days, I'm looking for a deal anywhere I can find it. Now that we're down to one income, tightening the old belt has become priority-one. Unfortunately, not everyone's as excited about my ingenious ways of saving money. For instance, the other night,  heard a terrible scream from the bathroom. "Hey, is this some kind of joke?"

     I called back up the stairs. "What is it, Honey?"

     "Where'd the toilet paper go?"

     "Check by the sink."

     "All I see is a pile of trash next to the bathtub. Why do we have trash next to the bathtub?"

     "Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot I put it there. That's our new toilet paper. It's made from old envelopes and financial documents we don't need anymore... I glued them together by hand. Took me all morning. I even skipped the Today show."

     "Um..."

     "I find it helps to bite down on something."

     "Go buy toilet paper."

     I met with similar difficulty when I tried to convince Husband the dried banana I scraped off the bottom of the couch was nature's fruit snack. And was he "too good to carry them in his lunch?" Same trouble with the homemade sandwich bag underwear and the Popsicle stick toothbrushes. So picky.

     So what if we're the only house on the street lit completely by lard candles? The pioneers never worried about "fire hazards" ...scalping, maybe. No, I'll continue with my penny pinching plans. And when the neighbors open the door and ask what I dressed my kids as for Halloween, I'll proudly point and say, "Those Sir, are two paper bags...they like Twix."

Oh well, I'll work on it... Any money-saving tips I'm leaving out?

*update: please let me know, in comments, if you had any trouble finding the "followers" or "follow" link. Blogger programming might be sneezing again...

Until Next Time, Readers!

11 comments:

  1. You can always do what I do when money is low and the fridge is bare. Tell everyone you are on the new Ethiopian diet. I lost 5 pounds in a week when I first moved out on my own from this 'diet' which at the time only consisted of apples and iceburg lettuce.

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  2. You are just a big ball of silliness! Melynda was so right! Hilarious!!!

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  3. LOL You are hilarious!! While the paper bag Halloween costume idea is passable, I'm not too sure about the garbage toilet paper. I need soft yet durable paper to feel clean. Something about paper cuts down there that don't sit too well with me. hahaha

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  4. Fill jugs with fresh water from someone else's tap and drink a lot more water, which will decrease appetite. Of course, it will increase your urine output, so you'll need the following slogan to save money on toilet flushing: "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."

    Also, dumpster diving at a grocery store in the middle of the night could be worth it. Just, you know, eat that food sooner rather than later.

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  5. Check your email again. I WANT TO BE A FOLLOWER!!

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  6. Hilarious! How dare your husband be so fussy? Watch for neighbors who are about to move and offer to clean out their refrigerators.

    Love,
    Lola

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  7. Padded Cell - Rodger on the lettuce. Had it for dinner, tonight. I say you try to market this diet of yours. Look into infomercials and make Branden your assistant who waves his hands in front of the product display...

    Stephanie - Little known fact, I am a big ball of silliness, but that information does not leave this comment box. Got it? ...;)

    Joshua - Sooner rather than later.. Ok, I can do that. Now, I've got some work to do at the neighbor's...

    Fishducky - I hope the problem got solved with all the fiddling I did with the "follow" button. I want you to follow me too! Thank you for trying to follow me today...:)

    Lola - This could be the best suggestion yet. Part time work and a source of free meatloaf... I like the way your mind works...LOL

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  8. "I find it helps to bite down on something"--that had me laughing so hard I nearly cried. SOOO hilariously awesome :0)

    Oh and thank you for adding the blogfest button. You're awesome :)

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  9. As a "theatre artist" I definitely know all about $17 coats and shoes that have been reglued so many times, even the glue is starting to rebel. Love it! You always make me laugh.

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  10. lol I see a few of my followers followed my excellent advice and came to follow you too.. Now I don't want to have to kidnap them for ransom so be fair and throw in some boring un-funny post here and there. No offense but I don't think you have anything other than the garbage toilet paper, that I would be willing to ransom them back for. That I want just to see Phil's face. mwahahaha. Funny I'm in the same penny pinching mode and the same um shall we say bwitching, (tried to make that one PG. My spell check is going nuts.) Have a good one and thanks for the laugh as usual.

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  11. Girl, I can't tell you how many cheap jackets I have bought. It never ends well. But toilet paper, well that's something that always has to be 2-ply in this house. Except in the kids where they stuff half the roll down in one sitting. Ugh! Anywhoo...

    I was cruising youtube earlier today and it made me think of you. You could totally start a vlog with things your twins do. Twins seem to be a hot item on youtube. I'm just saying.
    :]

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