Thursday, October 13, 2011

Put It On My Tab: Part II

Afternoon Readers,

     I love wasting time. Today, I decided to get it out of the way early, so I'd have the rest of the day to get something done. As some of you may remember, I've been dealing with retrieving a refund from Hospital Robs You In Your Sleep, and, as it's only been six hundred hours since our last song and dance, I thought I'd call them up and see how they were enjoying the money they stole from me.

*Ring Ring*

"Billing, this is Sandy."

"Hi Sandy, this is Mrs. Kellerman. I'm calling about a refund I should have spent last week but couldn't because you never gave it to me?"

"Oh, I see.  I can't help you with that."

"Why not?"

"I'm bitter and hate the world. My notes say someone pooped in my cheerios this morning, and we already sent you that refund."

"You didn't. Is there a supervisor I could speak with? I'd like to ask them about this issue and nominate you for the Mother Theresa of the Month Award."

*Sounds of transference*

"Hi there, Supervisor Cares Only Slightly speaking."

"Greetings, do you know where my refund is? I'll give you time to look in your purse. Check the little pockets. Things are always falling in the little pockets...."

"My best guess is that we spent it on fun size Twix for the entire office, but I'll check... Umm, it says here that we sent it to this credit card. You'll need to take it up with the bank."



"Are you familiar with the sound a chicken makes when it's finally tracked down by a coyote in the woods at midnight?"


"Would you like to?"

*Sounds of transference*

"Refunds Department." Sounds of heavy breathing.

"Ghost of Refunds Past? Is that you?"

"As the ladies explained before, we sent it back to your credit card ending in $%^&."

"I don't have that card anymore. I made the payment on another card...with a different bank...miles away. Savvy?"

"Yes, it does sound like we made the error, but are there any more excuses I could interest you in today?"

"Refund Person?"


"Call me when you find my refund."

"I'll do that... they told you about the fruit basket right?

I'm never getting my money back.....

Until Next Time, Readers!