Monday, November 14, 2011

A Failure To Communicate

 Morning Readers,
     Lately, I've found myself at loss. Butch and Sundance are trying to communicate, and, because of this, I've had to turn to "Toddler Translations", the laminated companion to "The Toddler Guidebook", to get some insight into what the babies are trying to tell me. Here's just a few ways it's helped me out over the past few days. I've had to keep track via journal entries:

(excerpts from the journal of the oft-misunderstood and semi-attractive Paige Kellerman)

October 20th, 2011
Dear Journal,

     Today went well. The kids are really starting to babble. When Sundance pointed at her cup and said "ju", I just knew it had to mean juice. It turns out I was right, since there was juice in the cup. Yay me. I checked with Toddler Translations, and it said I was right. Sweet. ..Night, Journal, love you.

October 23, 2011
Dear Journal,
     Today was a little more difficult. Butch was yelling and pointing at something outside. He kept saying "Tee. Tee".
     I smiled. "What's that, Honey? Oh, you want to know how t-shirts are made? Hmm. I don't know, but we can always Google it. While we're at it, maybe we can see if we can get a good deal on Stamos shirts to give out for Christmas." Turns out, Translations says my baby was trying to say "tree"...

See you tomorrow, Journal. P.S...what I am I supposed to do with all these shirts?

October 30, 2011
Dear Journal,

     Today, after breakfast, the babies kept saying "buhny". Naturally, I assumed they were saying "Benjamin Franklin". Which, as anyone knows, means "Tell me more about the nature of electricity, and it's historical journey to being harnessed as a viable source of modern energy." Boy was I wrong. "Translations" says the kids were trying to say "Barney". I guess I made them sit through that PBS documentary for nothing...

November 5, 2011  
Dear Journal,

     Long day. Note to self, "Roooo" is the sound a car makes, and not a request to replicate Roudin's The Thinker in Rice Crispy Treats. It should take ages to get the marshmallow off the coffee table..

Night, the way, did you hide my Aspirin?

November 10, 2011
Dear Journal,

     Did you know that "moo" is the sound a cow makes and isn't short for "moosaic"? I now have ten boxes of colored glass in the garage and no one to help me put together the 12x12 rendering of the entire cast of Dallas before the remake come out.

By the way, Journal, I can hear you moving around at night. If you're going to steal my aspirin, at least keep it down after midnight.    

November 12, 2011
Dear Journal,

     Today I didn't have to consult Translations at all. Husband made it perfectly clear that when the babies say "du doh", they're trying to say "dog" and not that they want tickets to a matinee performance of a local interpretive dance group. He says if he's ever subjected to watching someone "birth" themselves from a Saran wrap womb, ever again, we might have problems. 

Night, Journal.

Until Next Time, Readers!