Monday, November 7, 2011

Toddler Guide Book: Page 153 - Love Hurts

Morning Readers,
     Today's post may be a little short due to exhaustion. I was up all night reading the Toddler Guidebook, a sticky thing with pages missing, I received from the hospital. Normally, I don't have to refer to it, but it's been rough going lately. Besides the usual fun activities like slapping the dog awake and trying to drink the contents of the pepper shaker, Butch has been trying to express his affection for me. Formerly, the latter entailed licking a cookie and sticking to my pants, but my young man has graduated to what can only be described within the context of a prize fight. Allow me...

Announcer: "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! In this corner, we have a bedraggled mother of two. Weighing in at five pounds under a pregnant Harp Seal, this lady's looking a little worse for the wear. She's never won a fight, and some people say she doesn't know how to add or subtract."

*I salute the crowd*

Announcer: "In the opposite corner, we have our challenger. Weighing in at thirty pounds, measuring just under two feet-two inches, and burning with love for his mother, is Butch Headbutt Kellerman.

Commentator #1:  "It looks like it's gonna be a great bout here Jim.

Commentator #2: " I couldn't agree with you more, Ed. Mrs. Kellerman has the height advantage, but she's not looking quick on her feet. It's hard to move fast when you eat half a bag of Oreos for dinner every night.

Comentator #1: "Absolutely. Let's see what happens."

Commentator # 2: "It looks like Butch is circling his mother, looking for a weak spot. But wait, what's he taking a running start?"

Commentator #1: "This little boy really wants to give his mom a hug, Jim. Oh, and he's used the old "bob and weave" to shimmy up her leg and into her arms.

Commentator #2: "And he's found a weak spot. He's puckering up to give her a kiss on the cheek. But, oh no, he winds up, throws his head back, and has just head-butted his mother."

"I think she's seeing stars, Jim."

"Oh, she's seeing stars and is down for the count. It looks like Butch is celebrating his victory by sticking a cookie to her pant leg. What a fight. What. A. Fight. That boy really loves his mother."

     So yes, today I'm going to go lay down and rest...

Until Next Time, Readers!