Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What Self-Control?

Morning Readers,

     Yesterday evening, I couldn't help but feel sorry for Husband. While he tried explaining the finer points of the football game, my eyes wandered.

     "So that's that."

     I looked up. "What? You can't train a gorilla to shoot a bow and arrow."

     "What?"

     "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
     It wasn't that I didn't care what he had to say, but the two pound bag of Halloween candy sitting on the coffee table demanded my full attention. Chocolate and peanut butter in that large of a quantity tend to numb the rest of my senses, until I lose myself and wake up in the middle of the night in my underwear eating the rest of the cheesecake. I've got a long track record of eating when I should be paying attention...
   
     For example, the FBI tried to recruit me the day after I graduated from college. The spy training went well. I even got an A in "Aloofness 101: Why Eye Contact Is Overrated". Unfortunately, on final exam day, I got distracted by a pie in the break room. After killing and eating all of it, I tried to get back into the classroom. A voice echoed from behind the door. "What's the password?"

     "Muffin."

     "Not even close."

     I always wanted to be a writer anyway....

     When the babies were born, the doctor put me on a liquid diet.  When we went to get them from the nursery, for the trip home, the nurse eyed me. "What did you have?"

     "Cupcakes."

     "Excuse me?"

     "Er...brownies. Wait, wait...twins."

     "Twin what?"

     "Um....crepes?"

     I'll never forget that stack of paperwork.

     Once, my college adviser asked me what I wanted to use my degree for. So distracted by the plate of cookies on his desk, I answered firmly, "To get baked....er.. I want to bake. I mean. How many cookies does it take to make it into the circus?"

     "What?"

     "Oh no sir, I meant I want to be a bear trainer. Sorry, that came out wrong.."

     I'm not sure he liked me much.

Does food ever take up your important thought space?

Until Next Time, Readers!