Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas In Review

Morning Readers,
     I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas. We're still trying to shake ourselves into consciousness, over here. Presents have been put away, coffee introduced intravenously, and I've sneaked away so I can post this weekend's reviews. It had been a silent Christmas wish of mine that they'd be done by today, so you can imagine my delight when I saw them wrapped in dirty brown paper, sitting on my doorstep this morning. I'm fairly please with what people are saying. I'll let you read while I go melt some more chocolate to apply as a facial I can eat off...

A Christmas Review:
Brought to you by the makers of chocolate and the Concerned Citizens League
     "Butch and Sundance only broke one thing, this year, but when I figure out who their mother is, we're gonna have a us a little talk. She owes me some superglue and a partial Baby Jesus arm."
-- Great Grandma

    "She kept asking and asking, but, like I told her, "I don't care if you're out of cigarettes, you can't have the frankincense." --- The Third Wise Man

     "I don't know how the baby spread poop on half his face, by 8am. But it was kind of like having a small, smelly phantom of the opera." --- Husband

     "Initially, I'd planned to stop, but there was so much clutter, I couldn't get into the house. I hope those people took some initiative and got those kids some presents." --Santa

     "Even though I changed the return address on our Christmas card, they still showed up, first thing in the morning. What good is moving them out, if they stop by every five seconds?" --- Paige's Mom

     "She just kept yelling, "Someone ring up this stuff up and wrap it. And careful with that jar of sauce. It's not for you, unless we're somehow related now or you're a delicious rack of ribs."...It was pretty terrifying. For a minute, I thought I wasn't going to be able to spend Christmas with my family." --- Barbeque Store Clerk

     "I just kept asking, "Do you know who's kids these are? They don't have a tag."...I just hope I put them in the right car."  --- An Aunt

     "They brought the Oreo balls? Huh...that explains the taste." --- A cousin

     "She kept walking around, asking everyone, "Would you like a baby for Christmas?" and trying to put her kids on random people's laps." --- Church Goer

     "I haven't been this tired since that time I tried to walk to the mailbox and back." ---Paige

     "I think I've almost figure out how to put this thing together." --- Husband

     "We give it three out of four cookies....but only because we ate the fourth one already." --- Butch and Sundance

     "A triumph!" --- The Retailers Who Got Our Money

     "By far the best Fourth of July we've ever had....wait...why are you shaking your head?" --- Paige to Husband

How did everyone fair this weekend?

Until Next Time, Readers!