Friday, December 16, 2011

Fanmail Friday and A Giveaway Winner

Afternoon Readers,
    Today, I'd like to start by congratulating Melynda on winning the 20.00 gift card to iTunes -picked by the chubby hand of the lovely Sundance, herself. I'm sorry it wasn't a six-hundred-dollar couch from Pottery Barn, but these things do happen. If you guys haven't checked out her fantastic blog, please pop on over for a visit. Now then, the next order of business is digging into the mail bag, and seeing what questions you all have been sending me, via search engine. My answers may be a bit shorter than usual because I'm making scampi, and only have an hour to go catch the shrimp (made all the more complicated by living in the Midwest) and churn the butter....

1.) "you scratch my back"

     It's flattering you'd trust me with this very important task, but I must decline. I haven't had a manicure since 2005, and would feel terrible if I impaled you by accident. How could you keep reading the blog if you died? That's a rhetorical question, so please don't Google it....

2.)  "what do they say about handy women"

     The way I've always heard, it goes,"Never trust one, if she only has seven fingers..."

3.) "Fishducky"

     I'm sure she'd flattered to know you were looking for her, but, unfortunately, she's not here at the moment. I'll tell her you called..

4.) "Public diaper change shy"

     Dear Reader, I agree, changing one's diaper in public can be a little embarrassing. I find it helps if you ask to use a dressing room or at least cover yourself with a throw pillow. It also helps to give your hostess a heads up with something along the lines of , "Have you always like this pillow?" Or, "If something happened to this pillow, what would you do?"

If you find you must do it while in a movie theatre, try waiting until the lights go out.

....For that matter, if any of you go see a movie this weekend, and someone hands you something that doesn't feel like popcorn or even close to a box of Whoppers, politely decline.

5.) "Is it ok to do breakfast before a baptism"   

     Speaking from experience, yes, it's quite all right to have breakfast before a baptism. It's a well-known fact the Holy Spirit is much more willing to descend on your infant if he smells like hash browns and assorted sweet breads.

     Ok, I have to run and catch some shrimp - Easy recipe, my big ol' backside. But, remember, if you have any burning questions or unrequited thoughts, don't hesitate to search them through Google and inadvertently find my website...

Until Next Time, Readers!