Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Kate Middleton's Sizzle Vs. My Fizzle

Morning Readers,
     Amidst the rush that is getting ready for Christmas, it occurred to me I haven't a thing to wear to church on Christmas Eve. While perusing the internet and deciding between what I wore last year and what I could make out of my old drapes and left-over gift tags, I stumbled upon a picture with this caption, "Kate Middleton Sizzles in Strapless Gown At Military Event". I considered. Had I ever sizzled in anything before? And, if not, was it worth getting worked up over a new outfit if I was, in fact, not going to sizzle, or even sputter, for that matter? Without a moment to lose, I sent a mass email to friends, family and acquaintances, polling everyone on my sizzle...

Subject: My Sizzle (Time Sensitive)
To: Everyone

Dear Friends and Family,

     As you know, Christmas is around the corner and I must find something to wear. However, I've been a housewife so long, I'm afraid my sizzle may have burnt to an ember. Please return your thoughts on my sizzle, and, depending, I will proceed with plans for my recycled curtain-dress.

Merry Christmas,

Paige

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From: Shop n' Save
Re: My Sizzle

Dear Mrs. Kellerman,

     Regarding your sizzle, the hundred pounds of bacon you ordered just came in. How long will we be holding this for you? As we reminded you last time, meat in bulk can't be put on lay-a-way or until you "save enough bottles to trade in for some cash."

Thank You

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From: Your Russian Taylor
Re: My Sizzle

Dear Paige,

     You drop off dress and no come back to pay me. Have taken seam out five feet, as requested. You pay now or I send "Carolers" to your home. You know song "Silent Night", no?

Dasvidaniya,

Olga

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From: An Old College Friend
Re: My Sizzle

Dear Paige,

     So glad to hear from you after all this time. I'm assuming you're referring to my good sweater you burned a hole through, senior year. Have you quit smoking? At any rate, I'll take payment when you can send it. Inbox me, and I'll give you my address.

Happy Holidays

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From: The Wax Shack
Re: My Sizzle

Dear Mrs. Kellerman,

     Are you confirming your 2:30 appointment? We look forward to seeing you and helping with your problem. Again, we've never seen that much hair before, but we've ordered extra cases of wax, just in case.Please bring something to bite down on.

Sincerely,

Judy P.
Manager
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From: Mom
Re: My Sizzle

Paige,

Please stop sending dirty emails. By the way, what are you wearing for Christmas Eve? Make sure it doesn't have a hole in it.

Mom 

Is your sizzle ready for the holidays?

Until Next Time, Readers!