Thursday, December 1, 2011

Newspaper Day

Morning Readers,

     Yesterday was a big day - bigger than the time I switched to tummy panels in all my pants and jogged up and down the street singing the Hallelujah chorus and squeezing stray squirrels - because, as many of you know, I got my first humor column published in the newspaper. Feel free to pop on over and read it here. I'll wait... To say I was excited may be an understatement, but I have to pick an emotion, and that one seems the least aggressive. The only downside is, in all that excitement, I became a little forgetful, which is why I'm so glad my mom showed up...

     She handed me coffee and the paper when I opened the door. "Morning, great article on the high school football game."

     "But I didn't write about football."

     "I know. I was kidding."

     "Oh."

     Relieved, I grabbed the paper and started reading while running in circles around the living room.

     She caught me on the eighth lap. "Paige, where are the babies?"

     I shook off the lampshade I'd caught on my way through the living room and continued jogging in place."What babies?"

     "My grandchildren."

     "Oh, the short people chewing on all three sheep from the nativity scene? Yeah, I saw them pass through here a while ago."

     "Honey, I know you're excited, but did you feed them anything, this morning?"

     "But it's newspaper day."

     "Paige."

     "Mom, I'm sure they split the sheep equally. When they asked for apple juice, I figured they'd worked things out."

     Her eyes regarded my side ponytail. "Did you brush your teeth or hair? Is that a shirt or a pillowcase you forced your head through?"

     I paused my thirty-fifth lap. "Newspaper day."

     My excitement propelled me through the rest of the morning. I forgot to be mad at the dog, I sent the collections service a Christmas card, and I even forgot to be upset when I received an "unhappy" letter from someone who'd read my piece and didn't..um...agree with it:

Dear Reader,


Thank you for taking the time to read my column. I'm sorry you're upset, but I'm too excited that you actually read something I wrote in a newspaper.


XOXO,

Paige

     By the end of the day, I'd spent so much of my excitement, I had just enough energy to smile at Husband when he got home. I handed him them paper. "Newpaper day."

     He read it and nodded. "Good job, Babe. I love you."

     I waived to him on the floor, where I'd curled up to take a nap in the fetal position. "Newspaper day."

     "What's for dinner?"

     "I saved you half a sheep.."

Ok, so spill it. What are some exciting things that have happened to you guys this week?..:)

Until Next Time Readers!