Thursday, December 15, 2011

Reginald Mixes It Up

Morning Readers,
     I have a special affection for all my household goods: the broom's dusty smile, the refrigerator's happy outlook on life, the catch-all spirit of the trashcan. But, it's the unused items in my home that hold a special place in my heart. Today, I'm going to introduce you to a member of my kitchen, an item that's been on my counter so long without use, I wouldn't be able to find the cabinets if it weren't for his steadfast gleam acting as beacon to the plates and cutlery. ( To my Mother-in-law: If you're reading, you may want to stop and I'll tell you a different version later.) I'm pleased to introduce my Kitchen Aid mixer...Reginald.

     Reggie was born on May 25th, 2009. The minute I laid eyes on him, I knew it was meant to be. At the wedding shower, I let him sit next to me while I patted his cardboard box and told him about all the things we would bake, together. Ahh, but that was back in the day when both him and I were shiny and new.

     When I brought him home, I Christened him Reginald Ichabod Mixalot the First. We spent that first night together talking and laughing. I told him after the wedding I'd be making all sorts of things. How did he feel about Hello Dollies?... It would be six months before we spoke again.

     At the seventh month mark, we ran into each other. "How are things?" I asked. "I know we haven't baked together yet, but I promise we'll start spending more time together." After that, Reggie became one of my closest confidants. Mornings, I'd re-roll his cord and share the local gossip, nights were reserved for re-arranging and counting his attachments while we watched LifeTime.

     "If it's supposed to be television for women, why are they always getting beaten?" I'd ask, and then assure him that beating eggs wasn't nearly as serious.

     The seasons pass, and Reggie and I are closer than ever. Though never plugged into the wall, he's plugged into my heart. I'm often asked why I never send out pictures of the kids but took the time to send out Christmas cards with me and the mixer sitting together. "Because the kids don't have the untested ability to make bread or to-die-for coffee cake." I say.

     One of my friends was a little confused. "So, you say you've never used it? And you're throwing it a birthday party?"

     I covered his adjustable speeds with my hands. "His name is Reggie, and, yes, I am. He won't have to share his special day like the kids did, though."

     "Will you be making him a cake?"

     "I ordered him something lovely from the bakery. Thank you for asking."

     "But, he's a mixer...couldn't use just use him to make a cake?"

     I snorted. "Do you ask a rabbit to clean its own hutch, on Easter?"

     "Uh.."

     "I don't have time for this, I have to go buy party hats."

     Ahh, but this year will be different. Next week, Reginald Ichobad Mixalot the First will be turned on for the very first time; Plugged in, set to warp speed, attachments firmly in place, he shall mix delightful things for the arrival of Baby Jesus. We've got Christmas cookies and candy to make, and this is his year...potentially. It depends what's on LifeTime...

Anyone else guilty of such infractions?

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Until Next Time, Readers!