Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Time Is Now 3:50 and Rising

Morning Readers,
     I'm starting to notice a disturbing trend in my day. Yesterday marked the thousandth time I've run by the oven, looked at the temperature, and assumed it was the time. "But Paige, that only happens in the movies...and maybe to people on meth", you say. I agree..and maybe you're right...not about the meth...unless snorting Oreos is somehow frowned upon.. but, nonetheless, I jogged by the appliance, glanced at the digital clock, and proclaimed to the dishtowel it was now, "3:50, and time to go get the mail." But the mailbox was empty, and I was left confused. The enchiladas were done, though...

     "So what?", you say, "Most of those temperatures coincide with actual times on actual clocks, phones and sundials. Where's the big harm?"

I'll tell you...

     Last Sunday, I put a pizza in at 1:00pm and walked away. The exhaustion of cooking overtook me and I passed out, soon after. Awaking from my slumber, I pushed my perfectly-curled ringlets out of my eyes and ran downstairs. I opened the oven, pulled out the pizza and promptly served it to the family.

     Husband stared at it. "We can't eat this. It's not cooked."

     I batted my eyelashes. "Why, darling, it must be positively overcooked. I took it out at four o'clock."

     "My pepperonis are frozen."

     "I don't think we should argue with the company. They said to cook it for twenty minutes, and I left it in there for three hours. It's not as crispy as I would've thought, but that's fortune for you."

     He poked at ice-covered jalapeno. "Sweetheart, we've been over this. The oven was set to four-hundred degrees. And, for that matter, you were only asleep for three minutes, with your head on the mixer."

     "Oh. So you're saying I should've slept longer?"

     It's not just Husband who's had to suffer through some of my lapses in judgement. Last Tuesday, I chased the mailman down the street, shouting, "It's 4:75, where's my mail?" It turns out, it wasn't my mailman because it was only eight o'clock in the morning, and I'd let my Amish Friendship bread burn to an unfriendly color, to boot.. On the bright side, the homeless guy, Mike, I think his name was, said he didn't mind that I'd flicked little bits of lather on his coat when I'd been closing in on him.

-I let the rolls burn because it was 4:50 degrees and time for Jeopardy.
-We were late to church because I maintained it was only 3:75, and no decent person would start before 10am.
Husband was informed we couldn't cuddle due to preheating.

     While my oven woes probably won't be solved anytime soon, I did receive an honorable mention from Humorpress.com, yesterday, for their October/November contest. You may recognize it as a post I did a while ago...also related to cooking.

*Update: I was just made aware that the link I've been sending you to, all morning, wasn't for Humorpress.com, but for a hilarious post I read yesterday, by Kelly over at Kelly's Break Room. Her post is about how to gift wrap a snake, and comes highly recommended. And, yes...you heard me right the first time...

Until Next Time, Readers!