Friday, February 17, 2012

Fanmail Friday: Teething Biscuits and Acid

"Another Friday, another excuse to wear my special hat."
Afternoon Readers,

     I want to start by thanking everyone for all the fantastic advice I received about toddler plane travel, yesterday. From what I can deduce, the general concensus rests at: sedate, fruit snacks, pretend they belong to the family in front of you. The good news is we won't be going for a little while, so I've got plenty of time to make them both shirts that say, "I'm with that family over there" and blue, respectively. But, enough delay; You all were busily sending me your queries, via search engine, all week, and it's time to answer your burning questions.

Please Note: If there's still burning, after an answer is received, please see your doctor...

1.) "Paige Kellerman and Grace Patton"

     Unfortunately, you can only find me and my quips, on this blog. Grace can be found a couple doors down at Camp Patton. I know what you're thinking, "But I should be able to pull up one website and read both of you, at the same time." Yes, and I wish all my paper towels would turn into slices of chocolate mousse.

If Grace and I ever team up and take our act on the road...well...the world's just not ready for that.

2.) "Yell face"

     You found me out. I don't usually share my hand-to-hand combat skills, but an ancient family secret is to slap your opponent, with a white-leather glove, yell, "Face!"...and run away. Please follow up with how this worked for you, and whether you added any personal touches or cowardice.

3.) "paige bo's book water with dryer sheets"

     Hmm. I'd say the best course of action would be to let the acid wear off.

4.) "which teething biscuits are the hardest"

     I'm glad you asked. This is an area where I've done quite a bit of experimentation, and have subsequently found a plaster-cement-seven-week-old-graham-cracker mix to be the most effective. My kids wouldn't eat them, but our foundation sits a little steadier.

     I hope everyone has a great weekend. And remember, don't ever hesitate to submit your queries and find this blog inadvertently.

Until Next Time, Readers!



  1. aaha. what? hilario. #1.

    and #3 -- oh my goodness.

    such creative critters you house in your readership.

  2. I have never travelled with a toddler by plane, but I've heard the horror stories. Perhaps a Nintendo will help her keep occupied?

    Thanks for dropping by Momfever! I love the layout of your blog.

  3. I'm glad the teething question was answered. Phil is losing his teeth and I was hoping for something to let him gnaw on with his raw and bleeding gums. Thank God!

  4. Dear Paige,
    I depend on you and Melynda for my daily dollop of humor. Neither of you fail me.


  5. Does it have to be white leather or will any glove do?

  6. Forget the glove. Use a section of steel "re bar". It's a cheep disposable item and the rusty surface doesn't hold prints well. It works every time and you don't have to escalate to firearms.

    As for your trip with children bring disposable foam ear plugs to pass around to those sitting closest to you. We always carried them with us on flights. We were oddly lucky and our kids never went into screaming mode on planes even when they were babies. It might be a question of how lucky your children are with their eustachian tubes. I think babies often cry on planes because their poor little ears are hurting so badly. Get them to chew on something as the plane is gaining altitude to reduce the problem. There are always a couple of screaming babies on long flights so the ear plugs make a nice gift to those strangers that don't travel with ear plugs. They are cheep but people will react as though you just gave them fresh cool water while they were dying of thirst in the desert.

    Jay Holmes

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