Monday, February 20, 2012

Countdown to Disappointment

Madonna...ranked #1 for wearing deodorant."
 Afternoon Readers,

     There are few things that truly excite me, these days. It's been a rough twenty years since I found out there wasn't a Santa Clause, so I'm constantly in pursuit of something that makes me sit up and say, "Hot damn, that's exciting....but why'd you only buy four instead of five bags of Doritos?" Saturday night brought with it a new "Greatest Of" countdown, from the ever-realiable-to-not-ever-play-videos VH1. I love these dumb countdown so much, I blocked out an entire week of college to find out what I liked in the 90's.

I knew what I liked, but they made me doubt it...they're that good.

So, when I saw there was another one on, I camped out, made Husband camp out with me, and the following situation was born....
     "What are you watching?

     "Hello, Good Sir. VH1's "100 Greatest Women in Music....In the Last Twenty Years". Join me, won't you?

     "Another one? Didn't we just watch "The Top eight-hundred Power Ballads of 1983?"

     I chased a rogue Sour Patch Kid down my torso, and winked seductively. "You know you wanna watch for a little bit."

     "Didn't you want to be a writer once? Shouldn't you be working on your book?"

     "For your information, they just ranked Niki Manaj above Salt N' does that make you feel?"

     His eyes found the floor. "A little betrayed."

     Patting the couch, I motioned for him to sit. "Sit down and speculate with me." And so, we sat, yelled our indignation at Jewel's placement, the snub of Gwen Stephani, and then laid it on the table, for all the marbles. You see, dear Readers, Husband and I have a hard time resisting the opportunity to make stupid bets with each other. Therefore, we used the last half hour to pull out our neon index cards, quickly list our picks for top five, and shove the cards in a book, for security purposes.

     He eyed me. "What are the stakes?"

     "You're making stake? The countdown's not over yet."

     "No, what do you want, if you win?"

     I considered. "How's about you get up with the kids tomorrow?"

     "Done. And you'll owe me a back rub."  

     The result? I managed to pull through with a solid four out of five. My prize was delivered, the next day, in the form of Husband getting up with the kids, doing a U-turn back to our room, and setting them on top of me.

The Double-Crosser strikes again... I bet Mariah Carey never has to put up with that crap.

So, are you a sucker for countdowns, like me?