Friday, February 3, 2012

Fanmail Friday: Barefoot and Sockless

Most of these are bills...but I found a few from you guys..
Morning Readers,

     I'd like to thank you for being patient with me, this week. The nausea got the better of me, so getting three posts, instead of four, to you is something I feel terrible about. Then again, is that narcissistic? "I really need get something fresh out, everyday, because people will die if they don't drink in every single word I type." Oh goodness, I didn't even think about that. I can't take a show of hands, but leave a comment to let me know you didn't die on Thursday, from not having a fresh post. Now I'm worried again....

     We must press on, however. This week, while I was debating whether I wanted seltzer water or seltzer water for breakfast, the internet was busy taking your queries and sending them my way. Let me grab a cookie and to business we shall get down... that came out weird.

1.) "kim kardsashian rare"

     Unless you're talking about some sort of steak special Hereford House has got going on, no, no she's not. My cable box tells me her and her family have fifty TV shows between them, so she could be here for a while. The good news is most of her traffic gets directed my way, so it's got to be frustrating knowing a chubby housewife is drawing 40% of her audience.

Maybe E! will offer me a reality show, and call it, "Hey, Another Pair of Your Pants Stopped Fitting".

2.) "ended up barefoot" - pregnant

     Yep, it was my non-existent love for socks that did it. No one warns you about the socks. "If you take those socks off, you could get pregnant." I blame Fruit of the Loom for not putting a warning on the packaging, "Removal of ankle socks may result in baby." It's just that love being barefoot so much....

Get your mind out of the gutter. I simply enjoy the feel of wood laminate under my ski-like feet.

3.) "What not to do at a dinner interview"

     Dear Reader, I'm going to hop right in and put the goat on the table. What the heck are you doing being interviewed over dinner? I can only think of a few jobs that require that type of set-up. Ever seen Pretty Woman? Get thee to a cubicle-type interview, post haste.

If you insist on going to the interview, anyway, please don't:
  • Laugh hysterically if a man tries to snap your finger in a jewelry box.
  • Accept an employee handbook that looks like a giant wad of hundred-dollar bills
  • Respond to the phrase, "It's an over-night orientation", with anything other than dialing 911.
     Okie doke, I must away in search of more seltzer water and a cookie. But, remember, if you or someone you know has a burning question or unrequited query, please don't hesitate to put it into Google and find my website, by accident.

As usual, feel free to weigh-in with any advice I may have left out...

Until Next Time, Readers!

18 comments:

  1. i love this! i too should have kept my socks on!

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  2. Imagine my delight when I found you had posted again! I was just about to call my doctor.....

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    1. I found the best cure is to drink the liqueur I gave you...;)

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  3. ...off to buy more socks, will be back later!

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  4. I'm a vegetarian, but I'd eat her.

    I'd rather be working Pretty Woman style than be in a cubicle (much longer).

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    1. If they remake that movie, I expect you to be in the casting line. It would make my day...:)

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  5. I wish I could concentrate on this post but my children ARE CLIMBLING ALL OVER ME!! Why I think I have time to blog is beyond me. Beyond. Me. I should just give it all up. There are a million toys in this house and they always want to be RIGHT BESIDE ME. I'm mean, right? Anyway, I'll be back when I can concentrate!!! Ahhh!!!!

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    1. Amen, sister. I'm of the opinion that toys are just way for other people to make money off me, but offer no distraction for my children, who'd rather be crawling up my back and over my head to see what I'm doing. Hang in there, kindred spirit!

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  6. Fruit of the Loom socks? Do they make them in pretty colors? You must have them in pretty colors! Take it from my youngest who refuses to ever wear white socks. Every day is a new fashion of crazy socks! I should take pictures and make a book. Monkey’s foot fashions. It would be a coffee table book. She could advise you. She would be more than happy to go shopping for you and send several sets your way so that this doesn’t happen again. ;)
    ~Debra Kristi

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    1. I'm immediately envious of Monkey's sock collection! I think you need to do a post and a book on it. That's a coffee table book I'd buy!

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  7. I hope you'll start feeling so great soon ;). I'm so excited for you ;)

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    1. Thanks, Veal! Just trying to make it out of the seltzer water stage...ugh.

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  8. After the first one was born, we couldn't remember ever having sex to get the second one. So cool I now know what caused her!

    Congratulations! So excited for you. The nausea totally sucks. Wish I had a recommendation for that, but I've come to the conclusion that no one knows anything more about pregnancy than they do about raising kids. Except now. I know that going barefoot causes it.

    All the best to you, Paige. :)

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    1. Hi Piper! One of my friends asked me how we had time to make another one, and I had to break it to her that this one had to be ordered from the stork..LOL. I need to come over and visit the blog! ...I'm a blog slacker, right now. So sad...

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  9. Dear Paige,
    How you can be funny even when you are feeling so crummy is beyond me. But I value your wit and your sense of the ridiculous. However, please know that all your readers would understand your posting less often while you take time off to guzzle your seltzer water!

    Peace.

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    1. Dee, that's just what I needed to hear today! I think I love you comments, and I'm so glad we've become acquainted...:)Now, in search of more seltzer water...

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