Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Husband's Great Offense

Afternoon Readers,

     Before I got married, I should've sized Husband up better. All I kept thinking was, "Oh, he's soooo good looking. Has everyone seen how good looking he is?" I'd walk up to people on the street, shove a picture of him, in their face and yell, "Have you seen who I'm marrying? Isn't he gorgeous? Hey, gimme that picture back, homeless lady!..and I'll buy one of those bananas." But, you see, Readers, I was fooled into thinking he was sweet. And if a certain someone is reading this, a certain someone should be advised I may eat his dinner, before he gets home. Mmmm...second dinner.

     As I'd been petitioned several times, yesterday, I waddled to the Redbox and brought home Paranormal Activity 3. Not having been in a scary movie mode, lately, I thought myself very sweet for procuring Husband's request, and even buying several packages of candy for..um...us...me..both of us.

*Fast forward to the end of the movie and an extremely freaked out Paige.*

Me: Well, I think I'll call it a night and go hide under my covers now.

Husband: I'm right behind you.

Me: I'd rather you be in front.

Husband: Why, because I just heard something in the hallway and the kids are already asleep?

Me: Just because..

Husband: Because I do stuff like...this?

*Que Husband dragging me, by the hand, to the dark bathroom, trying to shut the door, and shouting "Bloody Mary," three times into the mirror before I karate chopped him in the shoulder blades and ran screaming down the hallway. How the twins didn't wake up is beyond me.

Me: Why did you do that?

Husband: Because, you're fun to scare.

Me: Go scare other people.

Husband: I don't want to scare other people, just you.

Me: You do realize the trauma you just inflicted left our growing baby with only eight toes.

The rest of the night consisted of Husband sitting bolt upright in bed, saying, "Did you hear that?"

No, I didn't. I was trying to think of ways I'd be able to use your body to block attacks from intruders...

So, my funny got drained last night. Anyone else a giant weenie like me?

Until Next Time, Readers!





















   

25 comments:

  1. Better to marry a guy because he's soooooo good looking than to do what my cousin did. She married her first husband because she thought he had a cool car. No kidding. They even managed to stay married for a few years, in spite of the fact that he sold his cool Mustang shortly after they got married and bought a (ready?) purple hearse. That was forty plus years ago, and it STILL cracks me up.

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    1. A purple hearse?? LOL...Your cousin must be a character, for sure!

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  2. Ooh, I don't ever watch scary movies! I used to get nightmares from Star Trek! Lucky for me, I've improved a lot. My husband likes to sneak up behind me in the dark staircase and grab my leg. I've resorted to kicking or punching as hard as I can...if he gets in the way, it's not my fault!

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    1. Oooh..Husband loves to try to grab me, when I'm not looking. He's scared the crap out of me way more than once...:( I think they're asking for it. A karate chop here or there is warranted.

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  3. I can't seem to get the Oscar Meyer song out of my head--except I'm hearing it as, "I wish I were a Paige Kellerman weiner", which doesn't work. (Too many syllables.)

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  4. You didn't check your hub's equipment before marrying? OH...wait...sorry...

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    1. I was too busy bothering the homeless banana vendors..lol

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  5. pffff. just randomly found the blog. this post was hilarious!

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    1. Thanks, Jaclyn! Nice to meet you and glad you stopped by...:)

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  6. Dear Paige,
    Funny didn't desert you. This posting is funny enough for me because I can see the two of you shaking in your slippers, looking over your shoulders, planning your escape from the house. And then having to reconsider just how you've rescue the twins!

    Peace.

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    1. Hahaha...that's the thing about being a grown up and a parent; you can't terrified of a ghost and leave the children behind. If it comes to it, I must save them first..LOL

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  7. Ahaha! It was scary...and Fred did not help you out one bit:). You must find a way to get him back!

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  8. I'm too scared to rent it, the spookiness may seep through the redbox case and into my skin, thus producing nightmares for weeks.

    Oddly enough, when I was single I loved to read Dean Koontz. Before bed. It's a wonder I ever was able to sleep with the windows open again.

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    1. Oh man, I do the same thing with Stephen King. LOVE reading his stories, before bed, and then can't sleep to save my life...I haven't found a way around this yet..lol

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  9. My Honey does this all the time. His latest is that he's taken to talking to the 'little girl' that stands behind me. Even though I know there's nobody there it freaks me out. Every time.

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    1. Ahhhhhh! Oh my gosh, that's ten times worse than jumping out and scaring you. I hope Husband never figures out how to talk to the invisible people behind me...*shiver*

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  10. I can't watch scary movies either, that is funny though! I'd have the same reaction LOL.

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    1. Don't start, Catherine. You're better off....lol

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  11. the previews of that movie scared me enough. i'm certainly not a scary movie person, but i see the appeal.

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    1. Seriously, Amy..I should've just said no. I would've actually gotten some sleep.

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  12. "I don't want to scare other people, just you."
    That was hilarious :0)

    I can't watch scary movies. I just can't ;)

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  13. I am such a massive weenie and can't stand suspense let alone horror! Branden tries to hide and scare me but he seems to always forget that he's tall and doesn't hide well. This is a perfect opportunity for me to see him and scare him first! muahahahaha!

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  14. Maggie, I've got to figure out how to turn it around on him. I'm never quick enough. I must plot in advance..hmmm If you come up with anything good, let me know..

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