Friday, March 2, 2012

Naked and Loving It

Afternoon, Readers..

     Some of you have probably seen my "Toddler Thoughts" hashtag on Twitter or Facebook. I started it as a way to attempt to make sense of anything Butch and Sundance do. Which means, of course, nothing they do makes any sense...especially Butch. A few days ago, I wrote:

"But if I didn't take off my diaper at random points in the day, how could I watch you make lunch, half naked?" #toddlerthoughts

A fair amount of you probably thought I was joking, and, admittedly, the first few times it happened, it was endearing. Which is why I called the local news station and waited on hold to ask them if they'd like to broadcast a picture of the world's cutest naked baby, after the weather but before sports, and they were all like...

"No, but we can get you to Social Services."


And then I said, "I'm sorry, I thought this was the Greek place down the street. What do you mean you don't have gyros ready to order? Umm..bye."

     The past few days, however, have been down right disturbing. Butch won't keep his diaper on, and I've found myself face to face with a naked baby more often than I expected when I first took this job. After much coaxing, attempting to discipline, and resisting the urge to duct tape him into his unmentionables, I've come up with a list of things I hope will scare him into seeing how important pants are.


1.) You could end up on People of Walmart


2.) You may give mommy a heart attack from springing on the bed, and charging like a stark-naked William Wallace, towards my Kindle. It takes mommy far too long to keep disinfecting it, after you sit on it. Not to mention, she'll never find out what happens at the end of Knitting: From Sheep to Pillow Sham


3.) No one will ever take the seat next to you on the Tilt-a-whirl. You won't have a riding partner, so you'll either be sent to the back of the line, or stuck with a carnie on lunch break.


4.) If you insist on not wearing underpants, everything Britney, Lindsay and Paris have sacrificed in the way of dignity will be all for not.


5.) Park benches are hot in the summertime.

If you have any suggestions for keeping a toddler in a diaper, please feel free to share. All you others without toddlers, enjoy your butt-printless Kindle.
Until Next Time, Readers!    

14 comments:

  1. I wish I had suggestions for you.. my daughter is also in the sans pants wearing phase... perhaps they can start a nudist colony together?

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    1. Oh boy..if I mention that, I'll never see him again..LOL

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  2. I am so relieved that Charlie has passed the torch on to one of your kids. I was getting a little worried that he was going to pull off his pants at Janelle's wedding, which isn't funny anymore now that he is in charge of wiping his own bottom!

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    1. I knew he'd have to pass it one, one day. Why my son? Why? I'm terrified to take him to another wedding...that's for sure.

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  3. Have you considered STAPLING them on??

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    1. Oh, I've seriously considered it. Yesterday, I put his diaper back on, roughly twenty times. It's either stapling or duct tape...or super glue.

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  4. Replies
    1. I'll agree wholeheartedly with you there, Peaches...lol

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  5. When my twins were little they went through this. I started putting on their babygros backwards (with the poppers at the back instead of the front) but then they just started undressing each other. Yeah, not very helpful, sorry.

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    1. I'm glad they haven't started that yet, Sarah, but in the meantime, I'm ready to start putting him in jumpsuits that lock the zipper in place. He was sitting naked on the coffee table, yesterday...fo realz

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  6. Before Elisa had boys I told her that they were different kinds of creatures. She didn't believe me. She couldn't understand how mothers allowed their little guys to run around naked all the time and something must be wrong with the child. I told her to wait her turn. The next spring her turn came and funny enough her boy (who is now almost 4 is always pantless. All i can tell you Paige is if you discover the secret of how to keep BOYS (not just toddlers. It doesn't end) in pants and undies you will be the richest woman in the world. They start this young and if you think of your husband, you will know that they never really stop wanting clothing OFF.. lol Good luck on your quest to save mankind. or woman kind actually

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    1. I did think of Elisa's stories about the Zombie Elf constantly running around without pants. Why does no one warn about this particular phenomena? And it won't stop for years?? You're right, must start inventing remove-less underpants, now!

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  7. I vote for duct tape, but then again I am distracted by the mention of Knitting: From Sheep to Pillow Sham.

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