Friday, March 2, 2012

Naked and Loving It

Afternoon, Readers..

     Some of you have probably seen my "Toddler Thoughts" hashtag on Twitter or Facebook. I started it as a way to attempt to make sense of anything Butch and Sundance do. Which means, of course, nothing they do makes any sense...especially Butch. A few days ago, I wrote:

"But if I didn't take off my diaper at random points in the day, how could I watch you make lunch, half naked?" #toddlerthoughts

A fair amount of you probably thought I was joking, and, admittedly, the first few times it happened, it was endearing. Which is why I called the local news station and waited on hold to ask them if they'd like to broadcast a picture of the world's cutest naked baby, after the weather but before sports, and they were all like...

"No, but we can get you to Social Services."

And then I said, "I'm sorry, I thought this was the Greek place down the street. What do you mean you don't have gyros ready to order? Umm..bye."

     The past few days, however, have been down right disturbing. Butch won't keep his diaper on, and I've found myself face to face with a naked baby more often than I expected when I first took this job. After much coaxing, attempting to discipline, and resisting the urge to duct tape him into his unmentionables, I've come up with a list of things I hope will scare him into seeing how important pants are.

1.) You could end up on People of Walmart

2.) You may give mommy a heart attack from springing on the bed, and charging like a stark-naked William Wallace, towards my Kindle. It takes mommy far too long to keep disinfecting it, after you sit on it. Not to mention, she'll never find out what happens at the end of Knitting: From Sheep to Pillow Sham

3.) No one will ever take the seat next to you on the Tilt-a-whirl. You won't have a riding partner, so you'll either be sent to the back of the line, or stuck with a carnie on lunch break.

4.) If you insist on not wearing underpants, everything Britney, Lindsay and Paris have sacrificed in the way of dignity will be all for not.

5.) Park benches are hot in the summertime.

If you have any suggestions for keeping a toddler in a diaper, please feel free to share. All you others without toddlers, enjoy your butt-printless Kindle.
Until Next Time, Readers!