Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I Am That Mom...

"Welcome to "Not letting your kids fall off of things 101"..."
Afternoon Readers,

    You know the one. The one that looked right at the Walmart greeter who told me that my kid needed to stay seated in the cart, and nodded politely but didn't listen. Because my children don't fall out of carts. Whose kid falls out of a vehicle traveling one mile an hour and sustains any type of damage?

     Today, April 10, 2012...I am the woman who watched her son go ass over tea kettle and smack his sweet little head on the floor. The good news is he's fine. The better news is there were, at least, three employees who watched this transpire:

     I scooped him off the floor. "Oh, honey. Are you alright?"

     Employee running over. "Is he ok?"

     Nodding, I looked Butch over. "Yes, I think he's fine. You see, I was just trying to decide between the value pack of large underwear and the value pack of larger underwear, when he tipped out. He was trying to grab this multicolored pack of string bikinis when the tragedy occurred."

     "Are you sure he's alright? He's drooling from the mouth."

     "Yes, yes.You see, he's drooling from the left side. If it was his right, we'd have a problem."

     "Has he said anything yet?"

     "Well, his father and I were sure he said, "Ratification of the Constitution" last night, but it turns out he was just choking on his pasta salad."

     She turned to go. "As long as you're sure he's ok. It looks like he's just staring into space."

     "That's his thinking face. We always give him an unopened block cheese to chew on when he's got something to work out."

     Apparently, kids do fall out of carts, but how was I supposed to know? Not only that, but it requires zero speed for them to stun themselves into silence. Fortunately, it only took a bag of Cheetos to revive him, and Butch was back to climbing the cabinets, in no time.

     Please share stories, so me and my brand new underwear don't feel too guilty.

Until Next Time, Readers!