Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I Am That Mom...

"Welcome to "Not letting your kids fall off of things 101"..."
Afternoon Readers,

    You know the one. The one that looked right at the Walmart greeter who told me that my kid needed to stay seated in the cart, and nodded politely but didn't listen. Because my children don't fall out of carts. Whose kid falls out of a vehicle traveling one mile an hour and sustains any type of damage?

     Today, April 10, 2012...I am the woman who watched her son go ass over tea kettle and smack his sweet little head on the floor. The good news is he's fine. The better news is there were, at least, three employees who watched this transpire:

     I scooped him off the floor. "Oh, honey. Are you alright?"

     Employee running over. "Is he ok?"

     Nodding, I looked Butch over. "Yes, I think he's fine. You see, I was just trying to decide between the value pack of large underwear and the value pack of larger underwear, when he tipped out. He was trying to grab this multicolored pack of string bikinis when the tragedy occurred."

     "Are you sure he's alright? He's drooling from the mouth."

     "Yes, yes.You see, he's drooling from the left side. If it was his right, we'd have a problem."

     "Has he said anything yet?"

     "Well, his father and I were sure he said, "Ratification of the Constitution" last night, but it turns out he was just choking on his pasta salad."

     She turned to go. "As long as you're sure he's ok. It looks like he's just staring into space."

     "That's his thinking face. We always give him an unopened block cheese to chew on when he's got something to work out."

     Apparently, kids do fall out of carts, but how was I supposed to know? Not only that, but it requires zero speed for them to stun themselves into silence. Fortunately, it only took a bag of Cheetos to revive him, and Butch was back to climbing the cabinets, in no time.

     Please share stories, so me and my brand new underwear don't feel too guilty.

Until Next Time, Readers!



   

24 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh. One day Tommy sat my Lizzy (now 9, totally not dead) on the counter at the library so he could check out. Totally forgot that SHE COULDN'T SIT UP YET.

    She fell right onto the hard linoleum floor and it was the worst day of both of their lives.

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    1. "Totally not dead"....LOL A disclaimer is always the way to go with these stories. I feel like this is one of the worst days of my life, for sure. Feelin guilty, guilty, guilty.

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  2. My kids always had the knack of sustaining injuries at the most inopportune time. Both had head bumps on separate Sunday evenings, of course in the winter and during snowstorms. Butch is probably still pretty rubbery. Now he'll probably grow up to be a humorist. :)

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    1. He does laugh at all my jokes...well, I think so anyway. I'm praying that the rubberiness stays with him for many more years...oh boy.

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  3. Youngest and I were outside painting the garage (I think he was 6 at the time) and he went in to get a drink of water. Some how in the span of five seconds he ended up hitting his head on the glass and iron coffee table. His ear split, he cried and I stopped the bleeding. No big deal right? I took him to the doctor and asked what the grainy yellow stuff was.... yeah, that was ear cartiledge.

    Or the time he swallowed a quarter and I had to bring him for 3 x-rays over 12 days to see if he had passed it yet (Course that was on his father's watch)

    Then there was the time Oldest was two and he ran down the big hill at my sister's house with a small metal rod in his hand (not sure where it came from) and he fell. AND it of course went into his head, just above his eye...

    The stories are really too numerous to list here. It's a wonder I still have children...

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    1. Ahhhhhh! You had me cringing at "cartilage"! Oh, and the metal rod thing definitely sounds like something I remember one of my neighbors doing, when we were kids. I can only pray that we avoid head injuries...but we've go so many years left of childlike reasoning, I'm terrified. Sometimes...ok, most days, I wonder why God gave me the privilege of having children. I can't even keep them in the grocery cart...lol

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  4. I think I have seen you at Wal-Mart. Did you weigh 350 lbs. and have a rose tattoo on your left breast (your tank top was stunning by the way)?

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    1. If it looked like it was wilting...yes, that was my breast...hahahahaha

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  5. My babies are now 48, 50 & 52. Nothing like that ever happened while they were growing up. Of course, I'm not counting the time I dropped my 6 month old daughter on her head. Or the time her brother (intentionally) rode his bike into a construction pit. Or when my other son went to hit another kid in the stomach, missed & hit his belt buckle instead & broke his knuckle. Come to think of it, it's amazing that any kid ever makes it to maturity!

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    1. Fishducky, I wish I could've seen you as a young mom. I bet you were the best and hysterical to boot. Did you ever fish him out of the construction pit?

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  6. To SUSAN KANE--I think that was me at Wal-Mart. Was the tank top a leopard skin print?

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    1. I thought I saw you laugh and run away!

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  7. My beautiful baby absolutely did fall out pf a cart, at Walmart indeed. In the produce section, I don't know why that makes it worse, but it does. Everyone stopped and stared, no one said anything, I held him to my chest to comfort/stifle his cries, and pushed the cart out of there as fast as I could, ignoring my older daughter remonstrating that she TOLD me he was going to fall out. It still hurts.

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    1. Yes, and while everyone stares, you know they're thinking, "Who gave that woman a child? I'd never let my baby fall out of a cart!" Well, that's what I imagine, anyway. In all actuality, they're probably just glad they didn't drop Timmy next to the lemons...LOL

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  8. My oldest was in his bouncy seat - you know the ones that are factory-coated with bold yellow warnings not to put them on any elevated surface? Well, I knew better, so I buckled my son in (safety first!) and put the seat up on the dining room table so I could better supervise him (I'm so responsible). Moments later, I supervised from across the room as he bounced (Oh, is THAT why they call them bouncy seats?) right off the table and onto the floor. Of course the seat landed on him, since it was strapped to his backside. I'm pretty sure he's okay, though (he just turned 10).

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    1. Oh Robyn, don't we all always know better than the safety warnings? I think that happened to one of my little sisters. She was in her car seat and, somehow, fell off the table, with the seat on top of her. She's getting ready to graduate college, so all's well, but, it happens. Why do you think it's raining babies out of Bumbo seats constantly? hahaha

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  9. I was a young mom in the washeteria with my 11 month old sitting in the laundry cart right NEXT to me while I loaded clean clothes into the big dryer. All of a sudden I felt the cart moved &, before I could even react, my daughter was upside down (screaming, thank goodness, so I KNEW she was alive) and a VERY satisfied looking little BRAT - errrr - girl was standing over her yelling, "You are NOT clothes and you DON'T belong in the carts!" I swear I'm SOOOOOO freakin' glad to be a long-distance grandma/great grandma! I'm just WAY too old to go through that kind of stuff. I'll leave all that traumatic crap to you wonderfully tough generation of young moms!

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    1. It always helps when there's a child to bluntly point out where you messed up. Am I right?...yeesh. I was lucky there were no observant five-year-olds around to commentate on my poor parenting.

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  10. The Boy is old enough that he gets to sit in the little fake car attached to the front of the grocery store carts. They were eating cookies in the car, and I went to grab some crackers. I turn around and he's climbing up the front of the shelves to get a box of graham crackers.

    Last October, two hours after having family photos taken, he fell down two steps outside our house. Not far, you think? Well, these were brick steps. He looked like he'd lost a bar fight with bottles. No broken teeth, but a concussion for sure.

    Two weeks later, he tumbled half way down the basement stairs onto a concrete slab.

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    1. How do they move so fast??? Our grocery store has the same carts, but I always make them ride up front in the double seater...at least for right now. I can't trust Butch out of my sight for more than two...nay...one second. And, I believe you about the brick steps. Kids can find the weirdest ways to make themselves look like they've been wrestling rabid panda bears.

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  11. I am so sorry the little dude fell out of the grocery cart! Somehow you turn everything into something funny. You are like a magician!

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  12. You are so not alone. :)

    The worst was when I left my three month old baby girl in the middle of our bed so I could run in the bathroom really quick to brush my hair - only ten feet away. I heard a "thunk," a pause, and a cry. She had somehow wriggled off the bed. To be clear, she didn't roll at that age, and her older brother always stayed where I put him. I had no idea she would squirm that far. Still feel bad about that one.

    Others I would have prevented were all of the times I whacked my son's head on door frames. He is now 6'7" tall. As an infant, he would literally grow 1/2 inch during the night. I would find out when I walked around a corner with him in one arm, and his head would bump the door frame. Oops!

    There are bumps I would do again, though. We were on a very slow moving trolley. The kids were three and five. I told them to sit. They didn't want to. I knew it was going to stop suddenly, and they would fall down. I told them it was going to happen. Sure enough, it did. They never stood up on a trolley again until they could reach the overhead handles. That learned 'em!

    So glad your little guy is okay. You may never be, but we move on. :)

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    1. Told you so, told you so! That reminds me of a mother I saw I france who told her daughter to be careful with that balloon beause it would pop and sure enough, it did. The kid screamed and the ever so French other was like wel,, I told you. Oh well. I told you. LOVE IT!!!!

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  13. Its refreshing to know there are mothers out there who still let their kids get hurt. Like you don't have them wearing helmets, strapped in at all times. Childhood is about falling down, getting hurt, and figuring out how not to do it again. And it leads to great stories for adulthood about the time you.... Whatever. Also good to know that while you were eyeing the granny panties, butch was trying to merely suggest perhaps you'd like the string bikinis better. Found you at finding the funny.

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