Friday, April 27, 2012

Kindling A Relationship With My Kindle

Afternoon Readers,

     The great thing about kids is they can literally smell when you're trying to enrich yourself, and then do their utmost to stop it. I personally enjoy being critically uniformed. For example, I love being the only one at parties who doesn't know anything about art, literature, or which celebrity has kicked meth. It makes shouting, "Who needs more cocktail weenies?", more convincing for all involved.

     Eventually, I'm asked to leave or "bus the tables" if I don't want to lose my green card. People forget that I'm supposed to be someone important...and that I'm a US citizen... mostly because I can't enrich myself enough. If I could do that if my kids would just let me read more, but they don't.

     On any day ending in "y", I usually try to fire up the Kindle. Good parenting dictates I'm not allowed 1to hide if I'm the only adult home, so I'm forced to read in the open. A few reasons finishing a book presents a problem:

-   Poop

     This morning, I plopped on the couch and started sounding out words. It wasn't long before Butch dropped the box I'd given him for entertainment and jumped into my lap instead.

     "Honey, Mommy's trying to use her phonics sounds. What can I do for y-? ...Wait, you smell like poop.


     I struggled through it, but there's something about the sweet smell of manure stinging your eyes that makes it hard to figure out whether you've finished the chapter, or passed out.

- Distractions

     On good days, things quiet down and I'm wearing pants. Those are the times, I, again, turn on my book. Those are also the days there's unidentified sounds coming from the kitchen.

     "What are you two doing in there?"


     "Payin with what?"

     Survey says: wine glasses.

     "Don't break them. Mommy wants to finish this chapter."

     Worst Mother Ever award delivered via singing telegram to my door.

     Book deactivated so babies don't stab each other to death with the shards.

(Situation hard to explain to EMT: "Yes, but I only let them play with them until I heard the first crack. Didn't you ever read a book where you just haaaaad to know if the mermaid got legs? You didn't? Social Services feels a circus would be a safer place for them? Huh.")

Other things that get in my way:

Making dinner
Making breakfast
Making lunch
People asking me what I'm reading
Staring into space hoping someone will ask me what I'm reading, or if I've had a stroke
Gout, if I had gout
Not charging my Kindle
Calling people to tell them what I'm reading
Waiting for hipsters outside of Starbucks to see what they're reading, and asking for money to buy coffee.

At any rate, now that I've said my peace, I'm off to grocery shop...another reason I can't finish reading.

Until Next Time, Readers!



  1. My kids like to take my Kindle when they see it. So I save it for when I'm in the bedroom. By myself.

    I think EMS was coming from my house when they arrived at yours.

    Funny post.

    1. Thanks,Leanne! Time constraint dictate I not go into how much the Kindle has been stolen and/or attacked. That will be it's own, seperate, horrific post.

  2. Nyaah, nyaah! I'm going out to lunch AND taking my unbroken & fully charged Kindle with me. If you live long enough, it could happen to you, too!! (I'm ONLY 45 or so years older than you--be patient!)

    1. The joke's on you, Fishducky. The twins should be arriving at your house in roughly twenty minutes. Depends if their flight was delayed or not. They'll be waiting for dinner. They like chicken nuggets. Have fun...:)

  3. I'm always relieved that I'm not alone in this world struggling to finish anything lol

    1. Nope, I walk right beside you, not finishing things where ever I go...:) Another reason we're bonded.

  4. I always struggle to finish what I'm reading. What are you reading? :) When my kids see the kindle they always try to take it. It can turn ugly sometimes. My youngest scratched it. I never hear the end of it from the hubby.

    1. It was something I failed to mention, but the Kindle is under constant attack. I'm shocked it's still in tact after an entire year...almost a year...shouldn't speak too soon. Just finished Michael Ian Black's new book; I;m on a quest to read more male comic writers...definitely on the other end of the spectrum from Bombeck and such.

  5. We don't have a kindle, and all my old fashioned paper books are being used under the short leg of the crib to keep it from tipping over. We also use them as booster seats in the car, and to change the channel when the remote is broken. So I never get to read either.

    1. The other uses I understand, but how do you change the channel with a book?

    2. Robyn, I'm going to assume you're an extremely accurate shot with a paperback...LOL I miss my paper books so much of the time. It was definitely easier to keep the kids from clicking on promotions and buying 200.00 a night stays in hotel we can't afford. That's always fun...

    3. Yeah, that is what I meant as far as changing the channel - these days I can whip a paperback across the room with the best of 'em, but I can't guarantee what channel we'll end up on. All while screaming at the kids to stop throwing things in the house. :)

      Ack, that's SO true about the random ad clicking. I say I'm not a runner unless something's chasing me, but I can move pretty fast when I hear the words, "Oops, I think I clicked on something..."

  6. I think I love your blog! I am so excited about the community and getting to know you! Because of that...and I promise I never do stuff like this, I was tagged...I usually don't follow up, but I thought it could be a fun way for some of us to get to know each other! So tag you're it! you are in no way obligated to do it...I promise. xoxo-Kim (SoCal Mom)

    1. Thanks,Kim! Enjoying your blog as well! It's been great to meet all you ladies...:) I just did this one not too long ago, but I think I can come up with more horrifying facts about