Monday, April 16, 2012

The Woman Can't Stop Eating

"I just wanna take all the cookies and shove them in my face."
Afternoon Readers,

     Lately, I've found it's a little bit harder to blog than it used to be. Not because I don't love it, but because my ever-expanding self can't seem to stay focused long enough to put a paragraph together. For instance, I got up this morning, determined to speak to you guys about the single most important factor in consistent economic growth and what I mean?

     Readers, you tune here because you want the hard-hitting news, the nitty gritty on political upheaval, whether Kathy Lee and Hoda are still getting along in an alcohol-induced haze of odd-coupledom, but how can I do that when my mind keeps straying to food?

     Before I could stop myself after lunch, this post had begun with three pages on the merit of waffles covered in peanut butter served exactly at midnight.

Research shows:

- a glowing complexion
- scented sheets
- Divorce papers that smell like Jiff

     I tried starting it last night, but found I'd walked away from the computer entirely and was sitting in the freezer trying to type on a bag of frozen chicken nuggets....which was hard because...

Well, I shouldn't have to explain the difficulty of chewing on a frozen chicken nugget whilst trying to find the "caps lock" underneath the heating directions. I was only stopped in this endeavor when Husband opened the door and found me crying about how I couldn't find the "publish" button on my blog.
Being the kind man he is, he pointed out that there was no way it was on the back of the Jamba Juice smoothie bag, and could I please get him a beer when I got my life back together.

     This is only happening because I'm almost at the halfway point in this pregnancy. Food. Obsessed. Four-and-a-half more months to go, and I've only eaten a third of the world's available cake supply. I'd stay and chat more, but the twins and I have a date with the grocery store, and I have an even later, more scandalous date with pie and ice cream.

Please tune in tomorrow for my expose on the harsh aftereffects of eating cobbler while it's still in the oven.

Until Next Time, Readers!