Friday, May 25, 2012

Fanmail Friday: The Naked Files

"Dear Reader, enclosed is a picture of my face. Please don't scream when you open it. Love, Paige."
Afternoon Readers,

     I can't believe it's Friday already. Ok, I can believe it because all my days pretty much run together, so if you'd said, "Hey Paige, aren't you glad it's Monday?", I would've said,

     "Yes, but that mean it's time to take out the trash, so I wish it was Friday."

     At any rate, I find that Friday is the prefect time to host "Fanmail Friday", mostly because of the alliteration, ans mostly because "Fanmail Sunday" smacks of abomination. So here we go. I'm pulling out the mail bag and answering your burning queries from the past week.

From the mailbag of the never-quoted, always hungry Paige Kellerman:
Our first Reader writes...

"Nude and loving it"

Dear Reader,

     If this is your declaration to me, then I'm happy you've found peace, or at least, tinted windows for your situation. However, if you're wondering whether I am both a.) nude ..and b.) loving it, the answer is no. Actually, we just got back from the hospital, after I accidentally saw myself while dressing, started screaming at Husband, "Something's in the house and it's trying to eat us," tripped and accidentally knocked myself out on the nightstand.


"Naked and loving it"

Dear Reader,

     I can only assume this is your second time writing me this week. I'm happy that you're still happy with your decision. If, however, this is someone else, please try and get in contact with the Reader above, who is also comfortable with recent life decisions. Also, I hear tinting windows goes much smoother if on person holds the tint, and the other uses the squeegee.

P.S. Please don't write back letting me know how that went. I barely sleep as it is.


"vicodin whiskey"

Dear Reader,

     I like your gumption. Finally a product I can get behind. Please send samples and a business plan. I may or may not be able to back this endeavor, but it'll depend on whether Husband minds if I stop feeding the children and become a full-time product tester. I'll also ask, in my nice voice, if I can have "some" of our savings.


"How can I push my kids around the zoo?"

Dear Reader,

     Please see a particular Reader about something called "Vicodin Whiskey" and try not to leave them in the "Wonders of the Ape World" exhibit.

You're Welcome,


     Thank you for your questions. And, as always, don't hesitate to type your queries into Google and inadvertently find my website. Also, if you guys have any advice I left out, feel free to jump in and add anything I missed.

Until Next Time, Readers!