Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Farmers Market

"A farmers market? Is that like a bachelor auction?"
Morning Readers,

     If I'm going to eat something healthy, I always make sure it's smothered in chocolate. This prevents any nasty after effects like shiny hair, an abundance of energy, or running a marathon, the number 1.2 million cause of death in America.*

*May or may not be accurate. 

As I'm in a constant search for the next healthy thing I can Fondue, Husband and I decided to get adventurous and take the children to the farmers market this past Saturday. The only thing that unnerved me was knowing that everyone there would know I knew nothing about healthy food or lifestyle, so I tried my best to fit in.

     Husband decided we needed to buy something instead of stroking it softly and whispering, "What is it?", which prompted me to approach the honey vendors.

     "Good morning, Mam."

     "Good morning, honey vending man of the open plains. What are your wares?"

     "Honey."

     Considering a small bear full of golden liquid, I pointed the spout back at the gentleman. "Is it organic?"

     "The honey?"

     I shook my head. "No, the bear. I never buy plastic bears that aren't free range. Before you stuffed this poor creature with bee byproduct, did you at least let him roam, indulge in hobbies, watch basic cable?"

     He bagged up the bear. "Umm..he's recyclable."

     "Excellent. You can't be too careful when you're trying to make healthy lifestyle choices. That's why I always take pepper spray to Trader Joes."

     Honey secured, I was feeling pretty good about myself. One, single honey bear had just made us into "marketers", hip and with it. We passed by the fresh fruits and vegetables. Husband poked me in the side. "Would you want to take anything home? Grapes?"

     "What, pray tell, is a "grape"?"

     "How about some oranges?"

     "Don't be silly; just because we bought some honey doesn't mean we suddenly know how to prepare an oooorangu- ...wait...how did you pronounce it?"

     Instead, we let Butch and Sundance stare down the balloon artist until he gave them a green puppy and a pink flower respectively.* "Balloon man," I said. "Are those balloons organic?"

     "No."

     "Ahh, well, not everyone embraces the healthy lifestyle, such as myself."

     "Uh huh."  

     "Can you render me Channing Tatum's abdominals in something close to a pastel pink?...and tie a string on it so I can secure it to my stroller?"

      I can't help smiling at the memories as I eat my peanut butter and honey sandwich. And if you're wondering, I set the bear free.

So, tell me, are any of you "Marketers" as well? Please make comments as organic as possible.

Until Next Time, Readers!

*both balloon creations were bitten to death in the car.





    

    

 

19 comments:

  1. We have a farmers' market here, which is super-convenient (Thursday morning??!) so I feel I get double organic points if I can get over there on a weekday. So far I've purchased 2 overpriced cantaloupes, 1 basket of raspberries which my son described as "weak" because they fell apart in his mouth too easily (crummy fresh, sun-warmed fruit), and countless honey sticks for the kids, which are individual servings of honey served inside non-recyclable, extremely wasteful strawlike tubes. That's not terribly Earth-friendly, but I can say that no plastic bears were harmed in the making of this comment. So that's something.

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    1. Well, Robyn, all that really matters is what happens to the poor plastic bears, so I can see you're doing the right thing. That said, who has a farmers market on a weekday? Thursday's are the days you eat all your junk food so you can pretend you don't buy it when you go to the farmers market on Saturday.

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  2. I'm not a "marketer", but if husband should someday bring home grapes, I have a wonderfully simple recipe for you:
    1--Remove from stem.
    2--Eat.
    (If you are in a hurry, you may skip step 1.)

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    1. Let's say I'm in a hurry and don't remove the stems...does that count towards treating irregularity?

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  3. What's organic? lol Here's an idea to keep your munchkins busy. Go buy some grapes rinse then freeze. They are like little Popsicles.
    My kids love them. Unfortunately so does my 170 pound St Bernard. He won't eat them unless they are frozen but he will wash my dishes if I promise him a frozen grape. (Ok not really. But he will lick and drool everywhere if I don't give him one.)
    Oh they are also good to shut hubby up when he's being annoying. Stuff them in his mouth one after another. Soon his mouth is frozen and he can't talk. It's pure bliss I tell you!

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    1. I believe the word "organic" derives its meaning from the Greek word for "not fun to eat". I do love frozen grapes. I'm not sure how the twins will fair with them, but, according to Fishducky, I don't even have to take off the stems. Mmm...frozen stems.

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  4. You know there's...

    ...mmm...fondue...

    ...drool...

    ...sorry. What were we talking about?

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    1. I forgot that you're a fondue fan...still gotta get to The Melting Pot!

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  5. Replies
    1. I wish it was ok to repost this every day without my credibility as a blogger being shot.

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  6. At a neighboring town's market, in the summer, they sell live lobster for $3 a pound. THREE FRICKIN BUCKS A POUND.

    I could care less if it's organic, boil it up for me and serve him with butter. Mamma's eating GOOOOD tonight. :)

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    1. Three dollars a pound???? That sounds like a magical place. Since we're in Kansas, I'd be wary of "fresh" lobster showing up at our market, but I so wish I could pop into town and grab some 3$ lobster! Husband would be in heaven.

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  7. I do have a butcher, a baker, but sadly no candlestick maker...sad because candlelight hides wrinkles better than anything! It's pretty easy to live organic over here but I'm disappointed that I haven't seen any free range plastic bears bearing honey yet; only in America I suppose. One of the best healthy things to eat drown in chocolate is kiwi! It may sound odd but kiwi in chocolate is amazing!

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    1. First, yes, I will try the kiwi right away. Second, although the Irish are my ancestors, we were never that innovative with filling plastic bears with honey, just Guinness in our pint glasses. Everything I know about free range plastic honey bears, I learned from the internet.

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  8. OMG. You sound like Holmes. Every time I bake something for him, he won't touch it until he's verified that I haven't put anything healthy in it. I once slipped in a flourless, high protein chocolate cake on him, and he's looked at me askance ever since, like every cookie is some new form of Trojan Horse.

    So glad you set that bear free!

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    1. Holmes is a good man. With his powers and mind combined, we could sniff out organic products a mile away. I think the bear is happier where it is now....

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  9. Dear Paige, . . . I took a hiatus from the blogging world during the month of April and pursued a dream. I"ve missed your laugh-out-loud postings and so I'm glad that today I get to read about just how "organically" informed you are!!! (Ah! Ah!)

    I'm in the midst of making the decision to buy food that is locally grown. So I'm not sure about that honey in plastic bears. Seems I've seen that in the grocery store. Buying organic and locally grown means extra work and you are pretty busy right now. So I applaud your efforts.

    Peace.

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    1. Like I always say, Dee, "Never too busy to buy plastic bears and set them free in the wilderness". I'm so glad you came by!

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  10. I would like to go marketing with you one day. Please? Can we set up an organic online shopping community where we shop "together" yet virtually?

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