Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Farmers Market

"A farmers market? Is that like a bachelor auction?"
Morning Readers,

     If I'm going to eat something healthy, I always make sure it's smothered in chocolate. This prevents any nasty after effects like shiny hair, an abundance of energy, or running a marathon, the number 1.2 million cause of death in America.*

*May or may not be accurate. 

As I'm in a constant search for the next healthy thing I can Fondue, Husband and I decided to get adventurous and take the children to the farmers market this past Saturday. The only thing that unnerved me was knowing that everyone there would know I knew nothing about healthy food or lifestyle, so I tried my best to fit in.

     Husband decided we needed to buy something instead of stroking it softly and whispering, "What is it?", which prompted me to approach the honey vendors.

     "Good morning, Mam."

     "Good morning, honey vending man of the open plains. What are your wares?"

     "Honey."

     Considering a small bear full of golden liquid, I pointed the spout back at the gentleman. "Is it organic?"

     "The honey?"

     I shook my head. "No, the bear. I never buy plastic bears that aren't free range. Before you stuffed this poor creature with bee byproduct, did you at least let him roam, indulge in hobbies, watch basic cable?"

     He bagged up the bear. "Umm..he's recyclable."

     "Excellent. You can't be too careful when you're trying to make healthy lifestyle choices. That's why I always take pepper spray to Trader Joes."

     Honey secured, I was feeling pretty good about myself. One, single honey bear had just made us into "marketers", hip and with it. We passed by the fresh fruits and vegetables. Husband poked me in the side. "Would you want to take anything home? Grapes?"

     "What, pray tell, is a "grape"?"

     "How about some oranges?"

     "Don't be silly; just because we bought some honey doesn't mean we suddenly know how to prepare an oooorangu- ...wait...how did you pronounce it?"

     Instead, we let Butch and Sundance stare down the balloon artist until he gave them a green puppy and a pink flower respectively.* "Balloon man," I said. "Are those balloons organic?"

     "No."

     "Ahh, well, not everyone embraces the healthy lifestyle, such as myself."

     "Uh huh."  

     "Can you render me Channing Tatum's abdominals in something close to a pastel pink?...and tie a string on it so I can secure it to my stroller?"

      I can't help smiling at the memories as I eat my peanut butter and honey sandwich. And if you're wondering, I set the bear free.

So, tell me, are any of you "Marketers" as well? Please make comments as organic as possible.

Until Next Time, Readers!

*both balloon creations were bitten to death in the car.