Tuesday, May 22, 2012

It's Here and It's Fantastic

"I'm sorry Mrs. Kellerman. That suit doesn't cover your knees, and we've got people with weak stomachs swimming."
Afternoon Readers,

     You've waited for it. Made cute little X's on your calendar so as to build anticipation for it. You even Bedazzled a t-shirt saying, "It's almost here". So I'm pleased to inform you that, yes, my new maternity swimsuit arrived via freight train dragging it, yesterday. And, by light of darkness, I ripped it open and tried it on for Husband...

     I twirled. "So, whatcha think?"

     "That your new suit?"

     "Nope, the printed monstrosity before you is actually a new Navy Seal suit the government is having me try out. They wanted to know how awkward it would be to have the men wear them, on a scale of one to fifty. They said if I do a good job, I can also test for amount of drag and if the suit screams when I do the splits."

     He smiled. "Well, I like it. It looks nice. Is it green?"

     "It was supposed to be blue, but apparently they thought green would look better on me (true story...not sure what that website was smoking)."

     "It looks nice. You should wear it more often."

     I considered. "Like to lounge around in, or to scare that cat off our porch when it's sneaking around the front windows?"

     "Yeah. The top looks nice on you. It's so cute you could wear it to bed."

     "What? Are trying to tell me you don't enjoy my assortment of flower sack nightgowns?"

     "I'm just saying I like it."

     "Not even the brown one that says, "Benny's 100% Whole Wheat: We Make It. You Bake It"...?" I sighed. "And all this time, I thought the, "Ma's Best Ground" was your favorite. You think you know somebody, and then they say they hate your roughly-woven chemise."

     So, anyway, sleeping in a swimsuit is super uncomfortable, but it is what it is. The good news is I have a suit and it fits surprisingly well, and, again, it's green and not blue. Which is great because someone will need an excuse to shout, "Grab the skimmer and get that giant shamrock outta the baby pool."

Until Next Time, Readers!