Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Riding In Cars With Babies

Every time Bob took Marlene out for a spin in the Shark car, she knew the fortune teller had been right to tell her she was special...
Afternoon Readers,

     It's a universally recognized, though unfortunate, rule that new babies must ride inside a vehicle while it's in motion. Trust me, you let your baby ride on the luggage rack, just one time, and you never hear the end of it.
"Paige, that isn't safe."
"Paige, you're going to get arrested."
"Paige, wasn't there a baby sitting on the luggage rack when you left the grocery store?"

You can try and play it off...

"Mam, I found this baby sitting outside the liqueur store, trying to thumb a ride."

"Are you sure it's my baby?"

"If you dressed it in a onsie that says, "My mom blogs and all I got was this onsie," then yes."

As the walrus said, the time has come. With the dawning of a new baby, we will officially out grow our SUV and make the move to a minivan.  I shudder saying the word, but Husband is convinced that sliding doors and spacious seating would agree with us, so there you have it. Sure, my cool will officially be forfeited, but somebody said he wasn't ok with the baby sitting on my lap (holla back, Britney Spears, cause I know you were just going to the end of the driveway...right?...right.)

Things are in motion to find our new carriage, but I've run into two problems. A) I can't find the title to the car we currently own. B.) We're a little rusty at asking new car queries.

Provided I find the title and don't have to sketch one in Crayola Color Wonder paper, I've jotted down a list of preliminary questions to take to the dealer, this weekend:

1.) If I gun it to 88mph, will I make it back to 1955, or will I be stuck driving a regular minivan in 2012?

2.) A follow-up to question one. If I do make it back to 1955 and decide I'm bored, how much gas will it take to make it back to 2012 and start blogging again?

3.) Does it run on horses? Is it green to have a gas/horse hybrid?

4.) If I decide to take a nap, will it drive itself and make sure the whole family arrives safely?

5.) Does it come in "Champagne Dreams"? All my friends drive something closer to "Caviar Wishes", but I'm a simple woman.

6.) I've always though tint is a funny word. What do you think? Tiiiiintttttaaaaa. Kind of makes the tongue think it's had a sip of refreshing Mountain Dew.

7.) If you shipped us the parts and we put it together, how much money does that save us?

8.) Do you rent the tools to put the car together?" 

9.) Let's say I get fresh with Husband while he's driving, which of these buttons prevents us from getting in a wreck? Or, if we do get in a wreck, will help preserve our freakishly good looks?

10.) If we gave you no money today, would you let us drive it home? If not, will you let us sit on the hood and eat the lunch we brought from Chipotle?

This is just the beginning of the process. Stay with me hear, people. I'll need some support....or a free van, if you have one.

Until Next Time, Readers!