Friday, June 8, 2012

Letters From The Shallow End of the Baby Pool: Thank You For Not Being Perfect

"Marge, I just love when you bring your ukulele to the beach, then we have a reason to carry the giant parasol."
Morning Readers,
     Today I'm proud to bring you this week's research from the place the majority of you probably neither know nor love, but someone's gotta be the crack reporter, sifting through pool toys and making sure no one's peed in the beach bag. I know what you're thinking, "Paige, how did I get so lucky on a Friday in June?" And to you I say... full name is Paige Rabbit Foot Random Penny Heads Up Never Broken A Mirror Kellerman.

And now, while you're deciding whether my name really needed hyphens or not.

Paige Kellerman Productions Presents
Letters From the Shallow End of The Baby Pool
Part II: Thank You For Not Being Perfect 

June 8, 2012

Dear Other Moms In the Pool,

     Thank you for not being perfect. Before I dressed in my large tankini and carried the twins under each arm like two, loud duffle bags, I had my reservations I'd be the only non-perfect mom in the baby pool. Today, I'd like to take the time to thank you individually.

     Mom who's pregnant and and wears tankini like mine, thank you for being there to divide the attention between you and I. Also, thank you for understanding when I sat down too fast and caused the title wave that carried your toddler out to the concession stand.If you ever find her, tell her I'm sorry and to grab me a Snickers.

     And to you mom whose boobs touch her knees when she sits down. Thank you for reminding us that gravity isn't anyone's friend, and for giving me the courage to find the padding that goes inside my swimsuit, before I even turn the key in the ignition.

     A special gracias to you overly tan mom with seemingly perfect abs. Up-close your stomach is actually a weathered map of the East Indies, and that makes me happy. Although it's now known as Indian Subcontinent, so if you could sculpt your veins to spell that out instead, historical accuracy will make it worth it to keep packing this giant beach bag, which is slowly wearing away my rotator cuff.

     Token mom who, although wearing a tankini, looks pretty much perfect by the entire world's standards, thank you for not sitting close enough to me that people could put us in mental columns. You also earn extra points for letting Sundance look for that sailboat under your legs. That was really awkward and you laughed it off. Keep on being perfect.

...just not within three feet of me.



Until Next Time, Readers!