Monday, June 4, 2012

Well Burn My Bra:The Top Five Things I've Just Now Realized About Concerts....

And everyone says I don't know how to work a cardigan..phsssh
Afternoon Readers,

     Probably my two favorite things about an exotic, adventurous weekend, is the exoticness and the adventure. Oh, and the walking. As mentioned on Friday, Husband and I ventured out to a concert/festival/death march so we could see how the other half is living and also because we heard people still had fun and wanted to witness it for ourselves. Now, I haven't been to one in a while, but as I was sitting in my seat, roasting like a pregnant Christmas ham, I did take note of a few things that have changed with concert-going experience. I chalked this up to me staying my same cool self and the rest of the world not being able to keep up.

Top Five Observations About the Modern Concert
by
Paige Kellerman
(coolest person ever, according to your mother..)
1.) Bras as tops

     Yes, my friends, I didn't realize it either, but bikini tops are perfectly acceptable shirts. Idiot that I am, I wore a dress, but seeing my new freedom, stripped down in the stands and only re-dressed after security advised I'd cleared out the upper level and that someone had seen my stretch marks and reported a tiger had escaped and was now patrolling the hotdog stand.

Conversation with guard:

"But it's a sports bra."

"We don't care."

2.) A great place to ruminate 

     I never realized it, but sitting next to a giant speaker is a great way to get some work done. With the twins gone, I was finally able to hear myself think. Turns out, my theory on the nature of a black hole and its effect on the space/time continuum is spot on, I just never had the quiet to piece it all together.

Note to self: Buy diapers/call Stephen Hawking

3.) Drunk people go to concerts

     Who knew? Back when I used to go, I clearly remember there being a lot of people like me who were super friendly, a little clumsy, and danced like they were on acid. And we only threw up because we were so high on the effervescence of life. Weird.

4.) Young-ins

     I spent a good amount of time worrying about all the little kids they let in. Seems you don't even have to have your molars yet to get in to one of these things. It took me twenty minutes of questioning a toddler before she called security (the same one who made me put my top back on) and stated that I was, "Crazy," and that she was, "Sixteen," and her parents had let her drive there, not abandoned her in a basket.

5.) Bands

     As it stands, promoters only book bands that no one's ever heard of. Ok, there was a large group of toddlers to my right, my left, in front, and behind me that seemed to know who was on stage. But did 
N Sync ever show up? Noooo. I was one very pregnant lady in one, very large, screen-printed "Mrs. Timberlake if You're Nasty" maxi dress.

So, feelings on concerts these days, my dears? Please add any observations I may have left out. 

Until Next Time, Readers!