Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy Birthday to Our Nation and Our Marriage: Or...I'm Glad You Got the Crabs You Were Looking For

And they walked off into "You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into Land"....
Morning Readers,

     First of...Happy Birthday, USA! I didn't get you anything this year, but I'm getting ready to eat a very full breakfast, so I'll dedicate one of the two waffles slated for death to you. Don't worry though, yesterday was Husband and I's third anniversary, and I didn't get him anything either. Well, he got a card, I just lied. Ugh...I just lied to my country. Ok, I'll make up for it by telling you about Husband getting what he really wanted last night.

...and the plot thickens.

...the plot also deposits us in the middle of Red Lobster.

...the plot would also like to affirm for you that, yes, sometimes we do classy things like go to Red Lobster. And wear deodorant. Not each other's. We've got our own.

     "That was a great card." Husband pursued the menu and decided between fish and larger fish. "I'm sorry I didn't get you a card."

     I smiled while I looked for the dressing they said came with my salad. "It's ok, you paid for that card. So, in a way, you bought us both one that was actually for you. But it's our thrifty ways that keep us from realizing how many years we'll be together, so it works out great. Also, I love you very much."

     He thumbed to the back of the menu. "I love you too. I also love this Ultimate Platter. It comes with everything; crab, lobster, shrimp...french fries."

     "Ahh yes," a piece of salad slid away from me. "The majestic French Fry of the barrier reef. I hear you should never run into a school of them, otherwise your love handles explode out of your wet suit."

     "I'm just really in the mood for some crab. And this, this right here has it all. Mam?" He looked hopefully at the waitress. "I'll take the platter."

     I chimed in, "I''ll take the pasta that comes with the free game of Hunt the Shrimp."

*And for the next fifteen minutes they talked about their children, something called a Higgs Partical, and steered clear of anything romantic, as they were now old and didn't know how to do otherwise. Finally, the food arrived.*

     "Wow, that's a lot of food."

     Nodding, I separated the five pounds of pasta on my plate and located the hidden shrimp. "Found it." I raised the shrimp above my head to signal I'd found it. "Yeah, that's a lot of sea food, there, Captain D think you can handle it?"

     This is where I actually got my anniversary gift. Because I hadn't realized I had yet to live until I got to watch the love of my life try to figure out how to extricate crab from its legs. And while he ad-libbed Master and Commander, I tried to fit five pounds of pasta around the newest Kellerman, causing a massive stomach ache, indigestion, and the reason for skipping the movie we'd planned on seeing.

Because no one wants to hear, "I think she just exploded!" during their AMC Imax experience...especially not in 3D.

     So, here's to another three great years, and another three great years after that, and a continuing trend for the rest of our lives...minus the Red Lobster.

Happy Fourth of July, Readers!