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| "Mrs. Kellerman, you buy my car, no?" ...."Umm, no. I think the doors are supposed to stay closed when it's moving." |
Good news first, I think we finally found a car. I don't want to jinx it though, as we still have to fill out miles of paperwork, get insurance, submit vials of our blood, etc, but if all goes well with the tribal rain dance Husband and I are planning for around midnight, you may just be reading the words of one happy new/old car owner. Which reminds me, is a loin cloth hand wash or can it go on a delicate cycle in the machine? It's one of those things you only want to buy once and someone won't think to give you as a gift, so.
Anywho....
The man we're buying it from is nice and normal and didn't try to leave my body in a ditch on the test drive, so that's not story worthy. The first two tries at finding the car went something like...
"I'm Olga, and I'd like very much you buy automobile."
"Olga, we'd like to test drive this van. Anything wrong with it?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Doors only not close sometime."
"Sometime?"
"Yes."
"Would that be likely to happen on the highway or on residential jaunts? Like, if I got up in the middle of the night and and was all, "I need cheese right now."
"Only when car is moving. You get checkbook. I wait."
Next.... *Cue new scenery*
Quiet on the set...and....Action.
"Hi, I'm Dan and I enjoy the posh suburban life I live. Everything you see here was ordered from Pottery Barn."
"Even the shrubs?"
"Even the shrubs."
"What would you call this type of house? Dutch Colonial?"
"I'd probably call it what you dream about at night. Look, there's grass in the back yard."
"Damn it, Dan. You're right."
"So, here's the van. The price is pretty fair. We're looking to upgrade to something that would make this purchase look like you distracted a homeless man with pie and drove off with it."
"Oh, that sounds great. You're so nice, it makes me forget that I want your life."
"I know, right?"
"Anyway, we'd love to take it off your hands, but we'll need to do part in cash and part finance. Is that ok?"
*The audience notes the confusion on Dan's face and watches while he processes that the pregnant woman standing in front of him is poor.*
"Actually, I was hoping that someone would write me a check for the whole thing. It's a pretty fair price."
"You know, Dan, Husband and I love the word "fair", but we really only use it when we're eating cotton candy and debating whether or not to get on the Ferris wheel."
"Well, I'll call you if the other two people looking at it don't want it. I'm sorry we couldn't work something out. Be really careful driving back to your ghetto."
"Thanks, Dan. Enjoy your life...I know I do...would... I'm pregnant and disoriented."
In the end, a listing popped out of nowhere and had exactly what we were looking for. This thing comes with seats, a steering wheel, brakes, and something that latches the hood down. I'm talking fully loaded. Hopefully, everything will be settled by next week, and we'll be the proud owners of something that will hold all of our children...but if not, we invested in bungee ties and saved the Russian's number.
Until Next Time, Readers!
P.S.....don't hesitate to share any of your car buying experiences. We all enjoy laughing at each other here where it's never in person.
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Paige, do not go with Olga. There has to be a car out there that works and has its viable parts. Thanks for laughter in an otherwise quiet afternoon.
ReplyDelete(Baby? Really?)
Baby? Absolutely. Look for the blog to become somewhat drug-induced and incoherent come September...;)
DeleteI found the percect car for you on EBay. It's a 2010 Mercedes van. It's got everything except tires, a steering wheel, seats, a driveshaft, brakes & an engine. The mirrors are in mint condition! The last bid was $13.27. Better hurry--it'll go soon!!
ReplyDeleteWhoa whoa whoa...let me just call our loan officer and make some arrangements. And mirrors? I've always wanted to see how the other half lives.
DeleteI HATE it when people find out I'm poor. The woman on House Hunters International right now can't quite find exactly what she wants in a Parisian apartment within her $1.8mil budget. I can't stand her. However, you might want to consider moving there because this lady won't shut up about how you don't need a car there. They have free bikes available to use whenever you want - plus you already have the bungee cords you'll need to keep the kids on board.
ReplyDeleteI love/hate House Hunters International! How does one get to do that. I think I turned off the TV right before that episode came on, actually. Before that, I was watching someone try to get settled in Spain...sigh. Then again, it seems like people are always trading great scenery for little to no bathroom, so maybe the Midwest is the place to be?
DeleteHilarious dialog. Why did it take me so long to find you?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, Amy. But all that matters is we're together now.
DeleteThe thing about buying a car is that you can't be afraid to walk away. I was literally haggling over a car with the guy at the dealership while wind, rain, and tornado was outside. I was just, "Look, I'm the last person you'll see buying a car tonight, so let's make a deal." The wouldn't budge, so I left. I was climbing into my old car, in the rain, and the came out and said we should take another look at it.
ReplyDeleteThe reality is that the guy in the dealer is not your friend, and you just have to keep that in mind.
That's the one thing I really don't like about going through a dealership...which we did last time. I really need to write that into my book. Going through a private seller this time has its stresses, but not as much pressure. Let's just see if we can get everything squared away before any happy dances are done....eek
DeleteI so want to leave a witty comment, but all I can think of is you're fekkin' hilarious! I also remember having a similar experience trying to buy a van at a time when we were broke as a joke and happened upon a family with a cell phone in their car....this was in the 80's!! Talk about jealous!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jean! I alsopopped over to your blog and am in love with your craftiness. i'll need you to come re-do my house, stat. No way! I remember seeing one of those in a car when I was really little and thinking technology had most certainly hit its peak.
DeleteI've done it wrong, and I've done it right. I spent half of my driving life in Cars by Olga. One had doors that only opened from the outside on one side and from the inside on the other so people had to go through the car, not in and out of it. One ran out the water in the radiator about every 20 miles so I had to travel with a trunk full of water jugs. One had a front bench seat with junk food bags filling in for the missing stuffing to keep people from getting hurt on the springs when they sat down.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I bought a car from a dealer rather than from Olga, it was from a friend's dad. I was so freaking green it never occurred to me that he would soak me. So I trusted him because he was my friend's dad and didn't do my research. (In my own defense, there was no internet back then.) It was a great car. 1993 Honda hatchback that still runs well. But I WAY overpaid, and much to my detriment. Hubby and I refer to that as the "Daddy Fix Me" price.
The last time I bought a car (2003), I stalked it on the lot for a month. It was our first and only ever new car. I looked inside. I sat in it, played with it, let my son crawl around in it, and I walked away without leaving my address or phone number. Then I watched it for a month. I researched prices. I knew what every competitor would offer me, and I knew a place with a decent non-negotiable price for a similar car that wouldn't waste my day and my brain space playing good cop/bad cop. I arranged financing from an alternate source so I could walk in with a check in hand for the full amount. I decided on an amount $200 less than the decent flat price and I figured up the tax.
The car gods were with me. The night before I went in, I saw a late night ad by the car lot that said they would beat any competitor's price by $500. I rewrote my check for $500 under their competitor's admittedly fair price, and I included the tax. I walked in, put the check on the salesman's desk and said, "It's for that car, as is, take it or leave it, and no, I'm not paying any handling fees." After feeble attempts to jack me up, he took the check and very seriously asked me to never tell my friends about our deal. He didn't want to meet anyone I would send him. We now have almost 200k on that car.
Many prayers for you and your family that the doors will function adequately, and the engine will start every time you turn the key. Thanks for the smile, Paige. :)
Honestly Piper, that would've made its own great blog post! I can definitely see you slamming down your check, looking that guy in the eye, and demanding the car you wanted. Does Holmes know you're this intimidating and well-prepared? Sometimes, I don't think he realizes exactly who he's blogging with...lol.
DeleteI hope it keeps running too. Keys that turn are always a bonus as well. Although I didn't think to ask if we needed to factor the key into the price. I gotta make a call...
I enjoy swapping stories with you so much, I sometimes forget this might come across as blogging on your blog. At least I've got my work done for Monday. :)
DeleteAs for Holmes, he did once quite sincerely accuse me of being a dangerous woman. I considered that high praise coming from him. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like when I was four and finally tied my shoes properly. I grew an inch taller that day. :)
I'd just add to what Joshua was saying, don't be afraid to RUN like hell! I haven't had any horrific car buying stories but with not having a car for almost 3 years now and knowing that our next car will be bought in Ireland strikes terror in my heart! Although I may get the dealer to throw in a free sheep ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm voting you just buy a sheep and ride it everywhere. Think about it...just buying grass and not gas? Awesome!
DeleteLove the Pottery Barn character. Especially his bushes.
ReplyDeleteThe last van we bought? Was when I was pregnant with The Twins. You know...back in The Dark Ages. Got the thing home (brand new - not trying to be all Pottery Barn-ish - it's essential to the story) and I had a nervous breakdown, whimpering that we had made the wrong choice and that I needed my groom to return it. RIGHT. THIS. INSTANT.
He did. And we got every cent back before settling on a vehicle from another dealership that didn't incite a nervous breakdown. And we never showed our faces in Dealership #1 ever agin. The End.
Oh, I totally know that panicky feeling. I got it even when we were saying "yes" to this new car that we can potentially afford. Anytime I make a big purchase, I always wanna take it back and slap my hand for thinking of such thing. But the fact remains that we can't make the new baby ride on the roof of our old car....I think.
DeleteDon't you have an extra kid you could trade for a new car, come on, really now? Only kidding, good luck on the new to you purchase.
ReplyDeleteSee, that was my idea at first, too. But Husband was all like, "Just because we got twins doesn't mean we get to give one of them away."...He's just not as practical as I am.
DeleteSo yeah, would comment on the whole car thing, but I'm still stuck on the loin cloth--did you ever reach a solid conclusion there with the whole proper way to launder?? Obviously, this matters...
ReplyDeleteI just know one thing...throwing it in the dishwasher was not the greatest of ideas.
Delete