Saturday, July 28, 2012

Special Saturday Edition: As the Tub Drains

"Mom says if you fall through the floor, we can get rid of the minivan and finally buy something fun."
 Afternoon Readers,

I understand the shock of hearing from me on a Saturday. After all, most of you probably think I spend the weekends playing polo and practical jokes on the butler, but, I actually save all that for Tuesdays, so I was free to write a post today. I wanted so much to write to you yesterday, but I was not only stuck at the doctor's office, I was also mulling over four-hundred-seventy-five reasons sulking was more fun.

All of them dollars.

All of them I hope the extremely nice plumber is putting to good use.

The important thing here isn't that we got everything fixed. No one ever laughed at something working properly. Like, "Hey, Jeff. Did you see how when I pressed the garage door opener, the door opened?"

     "I saw that, Dan."

     "And how the icemaker filled my glass when I popped my tumbler under there?"

     "Awesome, Dan. When did you say you were moving out of your mom's house, again?"

Dan's lonely...

No, the important thing is how we found out there was a problem. If you think you might be having a problem with your bath tub, please flash back to last Saturday with me while I watch Husband pour Liquid Plumber down the drain abyss.

"So, you think that'll work? Unclog whatever's down there?"

Husband straddled the tub and topped off the drain. "Well, it's going down, so I'd say it's probably ok."

"Good, 'cause I haven't showered for a couple days. I caught a group of squirrels doing a mating dance outside my bedroom window this morning. The translation was rough, but I think they understand that I don't have time to be their queen right now."

"Ok, go ahead and shower."

*Fast forward through shower scene, as no one who values their mind's eye would want those details*

After my customary thirty-minute shower, I waddled down the stairs like a walrus coaxing a rubber ball down a ramp at Sea World and flopped on the couch. "So glad everything's working. Feelin like a new walrus...woman. I shall now venture out to the garage to retrieve something from the car."

"Good to hear, Honey."

I shrugged. "It's just nice to know that all's right with the world. You know, since we just bought a new car and have to save all those dollars we don't have to pay the hospital, buy groceries, and keep the electric going."


*Paige goes down the stairs.*

*Paige goes back up the stairs*



"You know all that water I just showered with and gave back to the city?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, they said we could keep it in the garage, instead."

Fortunately for us, the drought we've got going here helped dry everything out. The plumber also helped by cutting out a large amount of the ceiling, wall, and our savings. But, it's fixed. And no one fell through the ceiling in a bath tub, which is also fortunate because that was probably the first thing I ever cross stitched onto a throw pillow.

"I will never fall naked through the ceiling."

or maybe it was, "Exercise kills three people a year. Don't be a victim."

If you've ever fallen through the ceiling, please share in the commenting space provided. And tune in on Monday as I'm busily putting together a horrifying montage that just might peak your interest.

Until Next Time, Readers!