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| "What happened to her?" ..."We're not sure. But we think it's Toddler-induced Mannequin Syndrome from over-exposure." |
I haven't read it in a while, but I'm fairly sure Dante's Inferno specifies the third circle of Hell being one sick twin needing to be taken care of while the other stays completely healthy and capable of breaking things. Yes, poor Butch has been taken ill by something of unknown origin, which has enabled him to make the most pitiful and unrelenting moaning sound that has yet to stop since five this morning. But, being the lucky woman I am, have a willing nurse's aid who's made today's journey a joy. I got to take a look at her nursing handbook and was able to shed some light on her particular methods of tending to the ailing.
(Excerpt from Pages 5-17 Toddler Guidebook To Nursing)
Question : When the patient has a fever, you...
Answer: Sit on his head until he starts screaming uncontrollably. Try and make sure to administer treatment while the head nurse is getting her coffee.
Question: If the patient is dehydrated, you...
Answer: Steal his juice until he starts screaming again. Lick the straw so that identical symptoms show within twenty-four hours.
Question: While the head nurse is rocking the patient into a comatose state, you should be...
Answer: Spilling her coffee and reformatting the desktop icons on the computer. (If you've worked with computers before, try and take this time to reset any passwords.)
Question: To make the patient more comfortable, you should...
Answer: Try to squeeze in next to him on the couch and shout his name as loudly as possible, while pointing at the TV and yelling, "That's funny, Momma!"
Patients fluids should be administrated via IV, cup or...
Answer: By squeezing his juice all over the floor and onto your clean outfit. Be sure to tell the head nurse to change you as soon as possible. Catching cold due to damp clothe's been killing people for centuries.
Yes, between the moaning, fever, and attempts to watch me every time I go to the bathroom, the Kellerman sick room is really hopping today. And the only reason Sundance hasn't been fired from her post is her uncanny capability to know when to look at me, frown, and say, "He got da fevwer, Momma?"
Because she's not just a nurse, she's a nurse from 1805...
Until Next Time, Readers!
Posts
With such fine medical care, as they said in WESTWORLD, "Nothing can go wrong--go wrong--go wrong"!!!
ReplyDeleteYes, the patient recovered with only a minor case of annoyance. The small nurse may want to reconsider her career options.
DeleteIt appears Sundance might lack the caretaker gene.
ReplyDeleteI believe you may be right. I just hope it doesn't come down to her having to take care of me anytime soon.
DeletePoor baby. Beware. As soon as you get one healthy the other may come down with it. That often happens in our household. Everyone LOVES to share. *evil snicker* I feel your pain. Sorry you're dealing. :( ~ Wait till they give it to daddy!
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm afraid of, but it's been a day or so and Sundance is still at the top of her game, destroying things and such. We may have gotten lucky this time. As evidenced by her hanging on my arm as I try and type this.
DeleteMaybe you should lick the straw so you don't have to feel guilty about calling in a NEW head nurse for a few days...
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a new head nurse. Unfortunately, she'd be called back in to take car of everyone while she was on her death bed.
DeleteWhen she gets it, Butch will have his payback but be careful if he tries to advance to "surgeon"!
ReplyDeleteI can't even think about that...I just can't...*shudder*
DeleteIt's so nice when you see a sibling take so quickly to the caretaker role. May your cell be dimly lit, nicely padded and may they roll bottles of pink champagne through your "tray door". I am thinking of you fondly in your time of hazard and need. As my grandma and I say, in unison, OY. Another hilarious post from one of my favorite humorists.
ReplyDeleteWhy, thank you! I'll take that champagne,now....
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